1 00:00:24,800 --> 00:00:28,900 Well, uh, here's lookin'at you... 2 00:00:29,000 --> 00:00:31,400 - pilgrim. - Laughing. 3 00:00:31,500 --> 00:00:34,700 - So,Jack, this is good. - What are we gonna do tonight? 4 00:00:34,800 --> 00:00:37,000 You know what? I was gonna ask you. 5 00:00:37,100 --> 00:00:40,300 - Can Gabriella hook me up with her, uh- - Oh,you know what? 6 00:00:40,400 --> 00:00:42,600 She's got this new friend she met the other day at the mall. 7 00:00:42,700 --> 00:00:44,600 - Her name is Rosa. - Yeah? 8 00:00:44,700 --> 00:00:48,400 - She's Spanish. Espanol. - Si, si, senor. 9 00:00:48,500 --> 00:00:50,500 But the only thing- Wow, watch out for that. 10 00:00:50,500 --> 00:00:54,400 The thing is, Rosa, she's kind of dumb. 11 00:00:54,500 --> 00:00:57,100 Watch out for the water.! Water, water.! Aah.! 12 00:00:59,000 --> 00:01:01,800 Whoa.! 13 00:01:01,800 --> 00:01:05,900 - She's kinda like, she's kinda like... large. - That's good for me. 14 00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:07,900 Bones, look out.! You're gonna get killed.! 15 00:01:08,000 --> 00:01:10,600 If it's too hot for ya, son, get outta the kitchen. 16 00:01:10,700 --> 00:01:14,600 This is war. No room for the faint ofheart. 17 00:01:14,600 --> 00:01:16,600 When you're in the heat ofbattle, and you lean down... 18 00:01:16,700 --> 00:01:18,700 and put your hand in a puddle of goo... 19 00:01:18,800 --> 00:01:21,400 that two seconds before was your friend's face... 20 00:01:21,500 --> 00:01:24,900 that is war, son,; now that is war.! 21 00:01:25,000 --> 00:01:29,000 This right here? This is just a game. 22 00:01:29,100 --> 00:01:31,200 - Look at this road right here. See that? - Hop it. 23 00:01:31,300 --> 00:01:33,400 Boom.! Watch this. Doin'great. 24 00:01:33,500 --> 00:01:36,200 - That's nice. - See how I just blow those guys? 25 00:01:36,200 --> 00:01:38,500 - Look. Now there's the thing. - Look up! Look up! 26 00:01:38,600 --> 00:01:42,000 No, on the- Ooh. 27 00:01:42,000 --> 00:01:44,000 Game over. You are dead. 28 00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:46,000 Shouldn't we get back to work? 29 00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:48,000 I'm working. Look, I'm testing out new products. 30 00:01:48,100 --> 00:01:51,300 What are you so paranoid for, anyways? Pretty soon we're gonna have our own store. 31 00:01:51,400 --> 00:01:54,000 Quinn's gonna fire your ass from this place. 32 00:01:54,100 --> 00:01:56,900 Do you think I'm scared of that- What is he? 33 00:01:57,000 --> 00:01:59,500 He looks like Lurch. Hey, I'm Quinn. 34 00:01:59,600 --> 00:02:01,500 - Are you afraid of him? - No. 35 00:02:01,600 --> 00:02:05,400 Bones? Quinn's lookin' for you. 36 00:02:05,400 --> 00:02:07,700 I told him you were playin' video games. 37 00:02:07,700 --> 00:02:09,700 Hold this, okay? I gotta do somethin'. 38 00:02:09,800 --> 00:02:13,000 Oh, yeah, you're not afraid, huh? 39 00:02:38,700 --> 00:02:42,500 This is all for you. See all the money I'm savin'? 40 00:02:42,600 --> 00:02:44,700 Wow, Quinn, look at you! You're lookin' fantastic! 41 00:02:44,800 --> 00:02:48,100 Is that a new suit? It's got to be Armani. 42 00:02:49,200 --> 00:02:51,200 Oh, it's J.C. Penney. 43 00:02:51,200 --> 00:02:54,500 At least you wear it well. Is that Brut I smell? 44 00:02:54,600 --> 00:02:57,200 What did we say about leaving the sales floor? 45 00:02:57,300 --> 00:02:59,200 You told me not to, and I won't. 46 00:02:59,300 --> 00:03:02,400 If this place catches fire, I'm sellin' tape decks to the firemen. 47 00:03:02,500 --> 00:03:04,800 You're not selling anything to anybody! 48 00:03:04,900 --> 00:03:07,100 - That's why we're letting you go. - Where? 49 00:03:07,100 --> 00:03:09,800 - Home. - No, no, Quinn. Hey, you can't fire me. 50 00:03:09,900 --> 00:03:13,000 C'mon! I'm a Crazy Boy! I'm a dedicated Crazy Boy. 51 00:03:13,100 --> 00:03:17,100 - Bones, let's not drag this out. - Quinn, look. C'mon. Please. 52 00:03:17,200 --> 00:03:20,800 My rent's due. My mom needs another tummy tuck. Please. 53 00:03:20,900 --> 00:03:24,300 - No, Bones. No, not this time. - Please, there's a lot of personal- 54 00:03:24,300 --> 00:03:28,100 Please don't let me go, Quinn. I could be crazier. 55 00:03:28,200 --> 00:03:29,700 Let go of my leg! 56 00:03:29,800 --> 00:03:33,500 I could be totally insane! 57 00:03:33,600 --> 00:03:38,200 - Bones, let go of my leg. - Bones, you have a customer waiting. 58 00:03:38,300 --> 00:03:40,700 You'll have to excuse me, Mr. Quinn. I have a customer... 59 00:03:40,800 --> 00:03:43,300 a customer who evidently asked for me by name. 60 00:03:48,300 --> 00:03:50,700 - Hi.! May I help you, miss? - Yes. 61 00:03:50,800 --> 00:03:54,700 You sold me this Watchman last week, and I have to return it. 62 00:03:54,700 --> 00:03:58,100 I knew you'd be returning it. It's too small. It'll ruin your eyesight. 63 00:03:58,200 --> 00:04:00,900 Besides, I could tell the one you really want is this one. 64 00:04:01,000 --> 00:04:03,200 This is our top-of-the-line. 65 00:04:03,300 --> 00:04:07,400 Our very best 35" projection stereo color monitor... 66 00:04:07,600 --> 00:04:09,700 with advanced super-digital P-in-P. 67 00:04:09,800 --> 00:04:12,200 I'm sorry. That's way out of my price range. 68 00:04:12,200 --> 00:04:14,500 Not with our $200 rebate, no money down... 69 00:04:14,500 --> 00:04:17,300 ten-month deferred, 64-month layaway plan. 70 00:04:17,300 --> 00:04:20,500 You ask yourself, "How could it be?" Right? 71 00:04:20,600 --> 00:04:23,900 Because-a we're-a Crazy Boys! 72 00:04:24,000 --> 00:04:28,600 - Sorry, they make us do that. - That's a very nice offer, but- 73 00:04:28,600 --> 00:04:32,600 - Plus this screen promotes good eyesight. - Really? 74 00:04:32,700 --> 00:04:36,500 Four out of five optometrists recommend it. 75 00:04:36,600 --> 00:04:39,200 Okay, I'll take it. 76 00:04:39,300 --> 00:04:41,100 Okay, fantastic. 77 00:04:41,200 --> 00:04:44,600 I'm gonna take this to the cashier, and I'm gonna arrange everything. 78 00:04:44,700 --> 00:04:46,200 Thank you very much. 79 00:04:46,400 --> 00:04:49,300 - ... needed for a carryout. - Huh? 80 00:04:50,600 --> 00:04:55,700 Hmm? C'mon. Am I not still a Crazy Boy? 81 00:04:56,800 --> 00:04:59,600 That is Brut I smell, you pervert. 82 00:04:59,600 --> 00:05:01,600 Heh-heh-heh. 83 00:05:03,900 --> 00:05:07,300 Bones! C'mon. 84 00:05:07,400 --> 00:05:09,900 Shh. Coming. 85 00:05:10,000 --> 00:05:12,000 Friends of both parties... 86 00:05:12,000 --> 00:05:15,000 have been making frequent appearances at the courthouse all day. 87 00:05:15,100 --> 00:05:17,500 Gabriella, you were outstanding. 88 00:05:17,600 --> 00:05:21,600 Yeah, right. This is the last time I save your butt, okay? 89 00:05:21,700 --> 00:05:23,800 - I work too, you know. - I know. It was an emergency. 90 00:05:23,900 --> 00:05:26,500 - The guy was about to fire me. - It's always an emergency. 91 00:05:26,600 --> 00:05:29,400 - They better take that TVback. - They're gonna take it back. 92 00:05:29,500 --> 00:05:34,800 Now, how 'bout giving your little Italian sausage man... 93 00:05:34,900 --> 00:05:37,000 a little kissy-pooh? 94 00:05:37,100 --> 00:05:40,100 The U.S. has issued strong warnings- 95 00:05:41,800 --> 00:05:44,000 You are so irresponsible! 96 00:05:44,100 --> 00:05:46,600 Can't you be serious for one minute? 97 00:05:46,700 --> 00:05:50,300 Okay, I'll be serious. Let's get naked. 98 00:05:50,500 --> 00:05:53,100 Not now! Not here! 99 00:05:53,200 --> 00:05:55,100 - Why? Don't you love me anymore? - Yes. 100 00:05:55,200 --> 00:05:57,400 Of course I love you. 101 00:05:57,500 --> 00:06:00,400 But look,your boss is gonna catch us. 102 00:06:00,500 --> 00:06:04,800 I don't care about that perverted fatso in a J.C. Penney suit. 103 00:06:04,800 --> 00:06:07,600 Bones! 104 00:06:07,700 --> 00:06:10,200 Jack, turn it off!. Turn it off!. 105 00:06:10,300 --> 00:06:12,700 Turn it off!. 106 00:06:19,900 --> 00:06:23,300 Well, uh- 107 00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:30,300 I can't believe he actually fired us. 108 00:06:30,300 --> 00:06:33,000 Bones, we blew up 22 TV sets. 109 00:06:33,100 --> 00:06:36,200 - Yeah, but don't those things come with warranties? - I'm sorry, man. 110 00:06:36,200 --> 00:06:40,000 - I didn't realize Quinn could see you in all of those TVs. - No problemo, my friend. 111 00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:43,000 I was sick of gettin' down on my knees for that guy, anyway... 112 00:06:43,000 --> 00:06:46,200 Whoa! Bones, I had no idea. 113 00:06:46,200 --> 00:06:49,200 - begging for my job. - I know. 114 00:06:49,300 --> 00:06:51,800 You know what,Jack? This is amazing. You know what this does? 115 00:06:51,900 --> 00:06:54,400 - Yeah. - This brings us one step closer... 116 00:06:54,500 --> 00:06:56,500 to the... store. 117 00:06:56,600 --> 00:07:00,900 No, no, no. What this does is bring us one step closer to living in the Dumpster. 118 00:07:01,000 --> 00:07:04,900 How are we gonna get rent for the store if we don't have rent for our apartment? 119 00:07:04,900 --> 00:07:06,500 Excuse me. Can we play through? 120 00:07:06,600 --> 00:07:08,900 - Yeah. - Thank you. 121 00:07:09,000 --> 00:07:11,000 Sorry, we were just discussing- 122 00:07:14,500 --> 00:07:16,800 - Hey! - Oh, my god! - Army! 123 00:07:16,900 --> 00:07:20,700 Navy.! Air Force.! Marines.! 124 00:07:20,800 --> 00:07:22,200 No. 125 00:07:22,300 --> 00:07:25,300 Did you order a code red? Answer me! 126 00:07:25,300 --> 00:07:27,300 Did you order a code red, man? 127 00:07:27,400 --> 00:07:30,300 You want the truth? You can't handle the truth. 128 00:07:30,400 --> 00:07:31,900 Yea.! 129 00:07:32,100 --> 00:07:34,600 He's goofin' off. C'mon, Bones. 130 00:07:34,700 --> 00:07:38,000 - Wow, that was my Nicholson impression. - Good. 131 00:07:38,100 --> 00:07:40,800 I do it sometimes when I play golf. 132 00:07:40,800 --> 00:07:44,800 - Bones, c'mon, man! - I couldn't help myself. I'm sorry. 133 00:07:44,900 --> 00:07:47,800 When you join the Army, is it true you have to give your whole life away? 134 00:07:47,900 --> 00:07:50,600 - Nah. It's nothin' like that with us. - We're in the Reserves. 135 00:07:50,700 --> 00:07:53,200 What's that? 136 00:07:53,200 --> 00:07:55,200 Let's just get this straight here. 137 00:07:55,200 --> 00:07:59,200 After our basic training, we owe you two weeks a year and one weekend a month... 138 00:07:59,300 --> 00:08:01,200 for which we get paid. 139 00:08:01,300 --> 00:08:07,100 And on top of it, you're gonna throw in $2,500 just for signing up? 140 00:08:07,200 --> 00:08:08,500 Basically, yes. 141 00:08:08,600 --> 00:08:12,800 Wow! Then how come everybody isn't in the Reserves? 142 00:08:12,900 --> 00:08:15,200 Do people actually know about this stuff? 143 00:08:15,200 --> 00:08:17,600 Well, we do try to advertise. 144 00:08:17,700 --> 00:08:21,200 Oh, yeah. "It's not a job, it's an adventure. " 145 00:08:21,300 --> 00:08:23,100 No, that's the Navy. 146 00:08:23,200 --> 00:08:26,400 - "The few and the proud"? - No, that's the Marines. 147 00:08:26,500 --> 00:08:29,000 Hmm. "Keep going, going and gone"? 148 00:08:29,100 --> 00:08:32,500 - No, no. That's the, um, Energizer bunny. - Gentlemen. 149 00:08:32,600 --> 00:08:35,900 We're, "Be all you can be. " 150 00:08:36,000 --> 00:08:38,500 ♪ In the Ar-Army ♪ 151 00:08:38,600 --> 00:08:40,300 You need us, and we need you. 152 00:08:40,300 --> 00:08:42,700 It's a win-win situation. 153 00:08:42,800 --> 00:08:45,700 I got one more question. Could I get a pen? 154 00:08:45,800 --> 00:08:48,000 Oh, no. Actually, could we just have a second... 155 00:08:48,100 --> 00:08:50,200 - uh, amongst ourselves? - Certainly. 156 00:08:50,300 --> 00:08:52,200 Take all the time you need. 157 00:08:52,300 --> 00:08:55,400 Just hold that ballpoint. 158 00:08:55,500 --> 00:08:57,400 Whew.! 159 00:08:57,500 --> 00:08:59,500 - Just one- - C'mere. 160 00:08:59,600 --> 00:09:02,000 This is insane! "Why doesn't everybody join?" 161 00:09:02,100 --> 00:09:05,200 - Weren't you listening to him in there? - Shh. 162 00:09:05,300 --> 00:09:08,900 - It's like joining a health spa, only they pay us. - You're going nuts. 163 00:09:09,100 --> 00:09:13,200 We are the beneficiaries. We get a guaranteed check for eight years... 164 00:09:13,300 --> 00:09:16,300 - and a special skill. - A special skill? Yeah, yeah. 165 00:09:16,400 --> 00:09:18,300 - Look at the pamphlets. - Yeah, here we go. 166 00:09:18,400 --> 00:09:21,800 - "Land Combat Missile Op"? - Opportunities! 167 00:09:21,900 --> 00:09:24,000 "Tactical Fire Specialist"? 168 00:09:24,100 --> 00:09:26,100 You heard him talkin' about combat pay. 169 00:09:26,200 --> 00:09:29,300 You have to be in combat to get paid for that, right? 170 00:09:29,400 --> 00:09:33,200 He said Reserves aren't called up unless there's a major conflict. 171 00:09:33,200 --> 00:09:35,600 - When was the last war, huh? World War ll? - Yeah! 172 00:09:35,700 --> 00:09:37,600 - No! - Twenty years ago. 173 00:09:37,700 --> 00:09:39,700 Have you ever heard of Vietnam, huh? 174 00:09:39,800 --> 00:09:43,000 - Desert Storm? No? - Uh-uh. 175 00:09:43,100 --> 00:09:45,700 - What? - I'm kidding. Gimme the brochure. 176 00:09:45,800 --> 00:09:48,500 - We're gonna go to the Unemployment Office. - Just let me see. 177 00:09:48,600 --> 00:09:52,500 Let me just check. "Tank Turret Repair, Land Mining Specialist. " 178 00:09:52,500 --> 00:09:56,100 "Water purification"? Water purification! 179 00:09:56,100 --> 00:09:58,200 - That's it. - What? 180 00:09:58,300 --> 00:10:00,800 Water purification. I'm telling you, it's a snap. 181 00:10:00,800 --> 00:10:05,000 My brother's a pool man. Look, you take dirty water and you make it clean. 182 00:10:05,100 --> 00:10:07,600 - How hard can that be? - I don't know. 183 00:10:07,700 --> 00:10:10,700 And if there is a war, what are we gonna go in there with? 184 00:10:10,800 --> 00:10:13,000 Water balloons? 185 00:10:13,100 --> 00:10:15,100 - That's- I mean- But, but- - Jack. 186 00:10:15,200 --> 00:10:18,100 - Yeah? - This is for our future, okay? 187 00:10:18,300 --> 00:10:21,700 If we can sign up now, we get a guaranteed check for $2,500. 188 00:10:21,700 --> 00:10:24,200 If you times that times two... Wow! 189 00:10:24,300 --> 00:10:29,100 - Rrrrip! Ahh! That's $6,000. - That's nice. 190 00:10:29,200 --> 00:10:31,600 - I know. Yeah. - It's a nice chunk of change. 191 00:10:31,600 --> 00:10:35,600 - But, hey. - This is for our store. 192 00:10:36,900 --> 00:10:39,700 - Yeah. - Look, I'll even give you first billing. 193 00:10:39,700 --> 00:10:41,900 - You don't have to do that. - No, no. "Jack's... 194 00:10:42,000 --> 00:10:46,100 - and Bones's Palace of Stereos. " - Ooh! 195 00:10:46,200 --> 00:10:48,300 - Let's just do it. - All right. Let's do it. 196 00:10:48,400 --> 00:10:50,700 Oh, yes! 197 00:10:50,800 --> 00:10:55,000 ♪ Get a haircut and get a real job ♪ 198 00:10:55,100 --> 00:10:58,900 ♪ Clean your act up and don't be a slob ♪ 199 00:10:59,000 --> 00:11:01,900 ♪ Get it together like your big brother Bob ♪ 200 00:11:01,900 --> 00:11:06,900 ♪ Why don't you get a haircut and get a real job ♪ 201 00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:11,000 ♪I need to try that 9:;00 to 5:;00 scene ♪ 202 00:11:11,100 --> 00:11:14,400 ♪I told myself that it was all a bad dream ♪ 203 00:11:14,400 --> 00:11:18,900 ♪I found a band and some good songs to play ♪ 204 00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:22,600 - ♪Party all night and sleep all day ♪ - Hi. Um- 205 00:11:22,700 --> 00:11:27,300 See, everybody knows me for my hair. 206 00:11:29,100 --> 00:11:31,900 What I need you to do is just a little bit on the side. 207 00:11:31,900 --> 00:11:34,700 Not a whole bunch. Kinda keep it like it's still- 208 00:11:34,800 --> 00:11:38,300 I'd like to see you in something short but sassy. A real '90s look. 209 00:11:38,400 --> 00:11:40,900 Something that works as well on the rifle range as it does in the disco. 210 00:11:42,200 --> 00:11:45,500 Okay. That's perfect. 211 00:11:45,500 --> 00:11:49,100 ♪ Get a haircut and get a real job ♪♪ 212 00:11:49,200 --> 00:11:51,400 All right. 213 00:11:55,200 --> 00:11:58,200 Aaaah! 214 00:12:03,200 --> 00:12:06,800 - Does my head- I mean, look at it. - I don't know. Yeah. 215 00:12:06,900 --> 00:12:09,100 Does it look bigger than it did be- 216 00:12:09,100 --> 00:12:11,600 - I mean, do I look like a baked potato? - Honestly? 217 00:12:11,700 --> 00:12:14,700 - Yeah, honestly. - I-It looks great. It really does. 218 00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:17,500 - Really! Really? - Really! 219 00:12:17,600 --> 00:12:21,000 - It looks... macho. - All right! 220 00:12:21,000 --> 00:12:23,100 Look at these, man. Look at these. 221 00:12:23,100 --> 00:12:26,800 - Army issue. - See, I think those are unique. 222 00:12:26,900 --> 00:12:28,900 - Idiotic! - No, those are unique. 223 00:12:28,900 --> 00:12:31,400 - You're distinctive. No one has them. - Really? 224 00:12:31,500 --> 00:12:34,500 - You're keen. One of a kind. - All right! 225 00:12:34,600 --> 00:12:37,300 They broke the mold when they made you,Jack. 226 00:12:55,700 --> 00:12:58,000 Bones, I can't- I can't do it.! 227 00:12:58,100 --> 00:13:01,000 - Jack, come on. You can do it. - I can't do it, man! 228 00:13:01,100 --> 00:13:03,600 This is just like your childhood, remember? 229 00:13:06,200 --> 00:13:09,700 Yeah, you're right. That guy is exactly like my dad. 230 00:13:09,700 --> 00:13:11,000 See? C'mon! 231 00:13:11,100 --> 00:13:13,600 Wait a minute, though! My childhood sucked! 232 00:13:13,700 --> 00:13:15,600 No, I can't do it, man. I can't- 233 00:13:15,700 --> 00:13:19,300 I can't handle being yelled at by some... muscle-bound drill sergeant. 234 00:13:19,400 --> 00:13:21,300 No, man. I can't do it. 235 00:13:21,400 --> 00:13:23,600 Get the hell off the truck! 236 00:13:26,400 --> 00:13:28,400 Oh, whoa. 237 00:13:28,500 --> 00:13:30,400 She can drill me anytime. 238 00:13:30,500 --> 00:13:32,700 On the double, right now! Come on! 239 00:13:32,800 --> 00:13:35,700 - Move it! Move it! - Hello, Sweet Pants. 240 00:13:35,800 --> 00:13:38,100 Get down here! Get down! 241 00:13:38,200 --> 00:13:41,600 - Oh, rough stuff. Hi. - And take those glasses off!. 242 00:13:41,800 --> 00:13:44,000 - What'd you think? You're on some beach or somethin'? - No. 243 00:13:44,000 --> 00:13:48,300 - What's your name, Private? - Bones Conway, reportin' for duty, sir! 244 00:13:48,400 --> 00:13:51,200 I mean, ma'am, sergeant, whatever. 245 00:13:51,300 --> 00:13:54,400 You will address me as Drill Sergeant. 246 00:13:54,500 --> 00:13:57,800 Do you understand? 247 00:13:57,800 --> 00:14:01,200 Yes, but you don't need to yell, 'cause look, I'm standing right here. 248 00:14:01,300 --> 00:14:04,600 I'm not yellin' at you, Private. Drill sergeants do not yell. 249 00:14:04,700 --> 00:14:07,500 We simply speak in a voice loud enough so everyone can hear. 250 00:14:07,600 --> 00:14:10,900 That way we all learn from each other's mistakes. 251 00:14:10,900 --> 00:14:12,900 Okay. Thanks for explaining it. 252 00:14:12,900 --> 00:14:16,100 From here on out, your butt is mine. 253 00:14:16,100 --> 00:14:18,900 You will obey every order... 254 00:14:19,000 --> 00:14:21,600 without question! 255 00:14:21,700 --> 00:14:25,400 Grunt! 256 00:14:25,400 --> 00:14:28,900 Oh, you're a funny boy, huh? A cutie pie, right? 257 00:14:29,000 --> 00:14:31,100 Well, I don't know ya, but I don't even like ya. 258 00:14:31,100 --> 00:14:34,100 And I make it my personal mission to turn you into a soldier. 259 00:14:34,200 --> 00:14:39,800 For the next eight weeks, I'll be all over your butt like white on rice! 260 00:14:39,900 --> 00:14:42,700 Is that a promise? 261 00:14:42,800 --> 00:14:44,700 Give me 20! 262 00:14:44,800 --> 00:14:47,800 - Well, my wallet- - Drop and give me 20! 263 00:14:47,900 --> 00:14:51,900 - Here, hold these. - You better get on the ground and give me them push-ups. 264 00:14:52,000 --> 00:14:54,300 Agh! It's been a while. 265 00:14:54,400 --> 00:14:57,300 All the way up and down, right? 266 00:14:57,400 --> 00:14:59,300 - Pump! - Pump. 267 00:14:59,400 --> 00:15:02,200 One! 268 00:15:02,200 --> 00:15:03,800 Is that good? 269 00:15:12,100 --> 00:15:14,200 Get up! Get up! 270 00:15:14,400 --> 00:15:17,900 Everybody up! 271 00:15:20,100 --> 00:15:24,500 On your feet. Off the racks right now, sleepin' beauties. 272 00:15:30,300 --> 00:15:33,100 Get your butt off that... rack. 273 00:15:38,800 --> 00:15:40,700 Ow! Ow! Ow! 274 00:15:40,800 --> 00:15:43,900 - Get up! - I'm up. I'm up. 275 00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:45,600 I'm up! 276 00:15:45,700 --> 00:15:47,900 Extend to the left! 277 00:15:48,000 --> 00:15:49,900 Extend to the left! 278 00:15:50,000 --> 00:15:52,500 Forward! 279 00:15:54,600 --> 00:15:56,500 All right... 280 00:15:56,600 --> 00:15:58,700 privates, on command begin like the last drills. 281 00:15:58,800 --> 00:16:02,900 Run in place. When I say go... go! 282 00:16:13,200 --> 00:16:15,100 - Jack? - Yeah? 283 00:16:16,400 --> 00:16:18,700 Where'd the sun go? 284 00:16:18,800 --> 00:16:21,300 There is no sun anymore, Bones. 285 00:16:21,400 --> 00:16:24,500 The sun is gone. 286 00:16:24,600 --> 00:16:26,600 We died, and this is hell. 287 00:16:26,700 --> 00:16:28,900 Oh, okay. Thanks for explaining it. 288 00:16:34,100 --> 00:16:37,300 Private, you've got that weapon around backwards. 289 00:16:37,400 --> 00:16:39,300 Oh. Thanks. 290 00:16:48,000 --> 00:16:50,700 - See the picture on the front of this weapon? - Uh-huh. 291 00:16:54,200 --> 00:16:57,500 It's put there for privates like you. 292 00:16:58,500 --> 00:17:00,400 It's idiot proof. 293 00:17:02,200 --> 00:17:06,900 Seven, Drill Sergeant! Agh! 294 00:17:06,900 --> 00:17:10,000 The gig line runs down the seam of your shirt... 295 00:17:10,100 --> 00:17:13,300 through the edge of your belt buckle, down the seam of your zipper. 296 00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:16,000 This is a straight gig line. 297 00:17:16,000 --> 00:17:17,700 See it... 298 00:17:17,800 --> 00:17:19,400 learn it... 299 00:17:19,500 --> 00:17:21,400 do it. 300 00:17:25,400 --> 00:17:27,200 From here on out... 301 00:17:27,400 --> 00:17:29,600 anyone without a straight gig line... 302 00:17:29,700 --> 00:17:32,100 will have to answer to me. 303 00:17:35,600 --> 00:17:39,300 Conway, what the hell is this? 304 00:17:39,400 --> 00:17:43,000 Drill Sergeant, I guess my gig line needs straightening, huh? 305 00:17:45,800 --> 00:17:49,500 Ah! 306 00:17:49,600 --> 00:17:51,400 Ooh! 307 00:17:51,400 --> 00:17:53,500 Thank you, Drill Sergeant! 308 00:17:53,600 --> 00:17:56,400 Don't thank me. Thank your recruiter. 309 00:18:02,900 --> 00:18:04,900 C'mon, boy! C'mon! You can't do it! 310 00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:08,400 - I know you can't do it! - Aah! 311 00:18:08,500 --> 00:18:10,900 There are two types ofbayonet fighters:; the quick and the dead. 312 00:18:11,000 --> 00:18:12,700 - What are you? - Quick! 313 00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:14,900 - What are they? - Dead! 314 00:18:15,000 --> 00:18:16,300 - What are you? - Quick! 315 00:18:16,300 --> 00:18:17,700 - What are they? - Dead! 316 00:18:17,800 --> 00:18:21,200 - Any volunteers? - Yeah! 317 00:18:21,300 --> 00:18:23,400 - What are you, crazy? - I sure am. 318 00:18:23,400 --> 00:18:26,400 I'm a cr... azy boy! 319 00:18:26,500 --> 00:18:28,700 Hello! 320 00:18:28,800 --> 00:18:30,700 - Conway. - Yes, ma'am. 321 00:18:30,900 --> 00:18:34,100 - Come here. - I'm on my way. 322 00:18:34,300 --> 00:18:36,700 Whoo! 323 00:18:36,800 --> 00:18:38,800 - Hi. - Hit me. 324 00:18:38,900 --> 00:18:40,900 Let's not fight. C'mere. 325 00:18:41,000 --> 00:18:43,200 Hit me or you'll be sorry! 326 00:18:43,300 --> 00:18:46,500 I can't hit you. You're a girl. And... 327 00:18:46,500 --> 00:18:49,400 I love you. 328 00:18:49,500 --> 00:18:53,300 You got two seconds to hit me. 329 00:18:56,000 --> 00:19:00,300 - Okay, but this is gonna hurt. - Any other volunteer? 330 00:19:01,900 --> 00:19:04,300 Oh, shit! I'm sorry. 331 00:19:04,400 --> 00:19:08,300 - I was just gonna- - I'm gonna teach you a lesson. 332 00:19:08,400 --> 00:19:09,800 - Never... - Ooh! 333 00:19:09,800 --> 00:19:11,900 - drop... - Agh! 334 00:19:13,300 --> 00:19:16,300 your guard. 335 00:19:16,300 --> 00:19:19,800 Got it! 336 00:19:19,900 --> 00:19:23,100 Can I please throw up now? 337 00:19:23,200 --> 00:19:26,800 - Aah! - Get up! Pump! Get mad. 338 00:19:26,800 --> 00:19:29,300 - Yeah, you get mad, you! Get mad! - Thirty-eight, Drill Sergeant! 339 00:19:29,300 --> 00:19:31,300 Listen to me carefully. 340 00:19:31,300 --> 00:19:34,900 This is exactly the same as practice, but this is a real, live grenade. 341 00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:38,300 - I want you to do exactly as you've been trained. - Yes, Drill Sergeant. 342 00:19:38,400 --> 00:19:40,300 When I give the command to execute... 343 00:19:40,400 --> 00:19:43,600 - I want you to drop the pin, throw the grenade. - Yes, Drill Sergeant. 344 00:19:43,700 --> 00:19:46,300 - Drop the pin, throw the grenade. - Yes, Drill Sergeant. 345 00:19:48,200 --> 00:19:50,300 Execute. 346 00:19:51,600 --> 00:19:54,500 Move it! 347 00:19:59,000 --> 00:20:02,200 Help! Help! 348 00:20:05,500 --> 00:20:08,300 Thanks, Drill Sergeant. You saved my life. 349 00:20:08,300 --> 00:20:10,300 I owe you one. 350 00:20:10,300 --> 00:20:14,000 No, you owe me fifty! 351 00:20:22,500 --> 00:20:24,400 Fifty! 352 00:20:24,500 --> 00:20:29,600 ♪ Mama, mama can't you see ♪ 353 00:20:29,600 --> 00:20:35,200 ♪ Drill Sergeant Ladd made a man outta me ♪ 354 00:20:35,200 --> 00:20:37,200 ...and that I will obey the orders... 355 00:20:37,300 --> 00:20:39,500 of the President of the United States. 356 00:20:39,600 --> 00:20:43,400 And I will obey the orders of the President of the United States. 357 00:20:43,500 --> 00:20:50,100 And the orders of the officers appointed over me. 358 00:20:50,200 --> 00:20:52,200 According to regulations... 359 00:20:52,200 --> 00:20:54,000 According to regulations... 360 00:20:54,100 --> 00:20:56,700 and the uniform code of militaryjustice. 361 00:20:56,800 --> 00:20:59,200 and the uniform code of military justice. 362 00:20:59,200 --> 00:21:03,100 - So help me God. - So help me God. 363 00:21:03,200 --> 00:21:05,300 - You look great.! - Nice to meet you. Bye. 364 00:21:05,400 --> 00:21:08,100 Be good. Take care. Bye. 365 00:21:08,100 --> 00:21:12,000 - Ah, it's the uniforms, man! - I know. 366 00:21:12,100 --> 00:21:14,500 Pvt. Conway! 367 00:21:17,300 --> 00:21:19,900 Never thought I'd say this, but I think I've done the impossible: 368 00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:23,300 - I've turned you into soldiers. - Thank you, Drill Sergeant. 369 00:21:23,400 --> 00:21:25,800 Carry on. 370 00:21:35,400 --> 00:21:39,300 - Uh, is this, uh, unit 341? - That's us, soldier. 371 00:21:39,300 --> 00:21:43,000 - Bones Conway, here. This is my partnerJack. - Hi. Christine. 372 00:21:43,100 --> 00:21:45,800 - Nice to meet you. Looks like we'll be working together. - Good. 373 00:21:45,800 --> 00:21:48,900 Christine, a la G.I.Jane, right? 374 00:21:49,000 --> 00:21:52,600 - What brings a pretty lady like you to water purification? 375 00:21:52,700 --> 00:21:55,100 I wanted infantry, but until they ax that crap... 376 00:21:55,200 --> 00:21:57,200 about women not being allowed in combat... 377 00:21:57,300 --> 00:22:00,800 - I'll just have to settle for kickin' your little butt. - Ooh! 378 00:22:00,900 --> 00:22:03,600 That would be nice. 379 00:22:03,700 --> 00:22:07,100 Feisty one, huh? I like that. 380 00:22:07,200 --> 00:22:09,700 Shut up. 381 00:22:12,700 --> 00:22:15,000 I'm gonna have to kill your friend. 382 00:22:15,100 --> 00:22:17,000 Hey, Bones Conway. 383 00:22:17,100 --> 00:22:19,700 Fred Ostroff. Good to meet you. 384 00:22:19,700 --> 00:22:22,800 - You okay, Fred? - Oh, man, I'm fine. Agh! 385 00:22:22,900 --> 00:22:24,900 - Thanks. - Thank you. 386 00:22:26,200 --> 00:22:28,600 So, uh, what do you do when you don't purify water? 387 00:22:28,700 --> 00:22:31,800 Well, I'm goin' into my final year of dental school. 388 00:22:32,000 --> 00:22:35,300 Wow. Now that is great. 389 00:22:35,400 --> 00:22:37,400 - No, it's not. - Why? 390 00:22:37,500 --> 00:22:40,200 Did you know that dentists are more feared... 391 00:22:40,300 --> 00:22:44,000 and loathed than any other profession? That's including lawyers. 392 00:22:44,000 --> 00:22:46,600 See, I don't think people hate dentists. 393 00:22:46,700 --> 00:22:49,000 It's just the sound of that drill. 394 00:22:49,100 --> 00:22:52,600 And then they stick that sucking thing in the back of your mouth like this. 395 00:22:52,600 --> 00:22:55,100 And the nurse says, "I'll be right back. '" 396 00:22:55,200 --> 00:22:57,500 Then theyjam those cardboard x-ray things. 397 00:22:57,500 --> 00:22:59,200 And then they- 398 00:22:59,300 --> 00:23:03,800 When you have a cavity, they take that pointy thing and they- 399 00:23:06,100 --> 00:23:09,100 The nurse leaves, and she goes to lunch. 400 00:23:09,200 --> 00:23:11,100 And she jams it back there, right? 401 00:23:11,100 --> 00:23:14,500 Meanwhile, there is a lead apron on the thing... 402 00:23:14,600 --> 00:23:18,200 and you're sitting there like- 403 00:23:18,200 --> 00:23:21,300 Can somebody... help me? 404 00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:24,000 See? That's what I'm talkin' about. 405 00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:26,300 If you don't want to talk about it, it's okay. 406 00:23:26,400 --> 00:23:28,400 No, no. It's good. We should talk about it... 407 00:23:28,400 --> 00:23:31,200 'cause my therapist said that I need to get it out. 408 00:23:31,300 --> 00:23:33,300 Kinda like an emotional enema. 409 00:23:33,300 --> 00:23:35,700 So we talked about it and said... 410 00:23:35,800 --> 00:23:37,900 "Why not join the Army Reserve?" 411 00:23:38,000 --> 00:23:40,600 "Be all that you can be"... on the weekends. 412 00:23:40,700 --> 00:23:42,500 Yeah. 413 00:23:42,500 --> 00:23:47,600 Maybe it'd help me to face those things in my life that I'm most afraid of. 414 00:23:47,700 --> 00:23:51,200 - What are you afraid of? - Uh- 415 00:23:51,200 --> 00:23:55,000 Well, I'd have to say, uh, damn near everything. 416 00:23:55,000 --> 00:23:57,600 - Floss? - Hey! 417 00:23:57,700 --> 00:23:58,900 Keep it. 418 00:24:02,100 --> 00:24:04,100 Good morning. 419 00:24:04,100 --> 00:24:09,000 Purifying our water is one of the most vital operations in the military. 420 00:24:09,100 --> 00:24:13,100 It is absolutely vital that you know your equipment inside... 421 00:24:13,300 --> 00:24:15,700 and out. 422 00:24:15,900 --> 00:24:18,200 Agh! Agh! 423 00:24:20,700 --> 00:24:24,400 Two soldiers must man the hose at all times. 424 00:24:24,500 --> 00:24:27,700 - This is for your own safety, people. - Okay! 425 00:24:27,800 --> 00:24:30,900 Never lose control of your hose. 426 00:24:31,000 --> 00:24:35,800 Turn it off!. 427 00:24:39,400 --> 00:24:42,000 After careful training, you will be able to produce... 428 00:24:42,200 --> 00:24:45,500 potable water from the most disgusting, swampy... 429 00:24:45,600 --> 00:24:49,500 - parasite-infected, diseased water. - Hey, guys! 430 00:24:49,600 --> 00:24:53,000 Look. It's our first glass of purified water. 431 00:24:53,100 --> 00:24:55,300 All right! 432 00:24:55,300 --> 00:24:57,300 Go for it, man. Try it. 433 00:24:57,300 --> 00:25:00,000 Nah, I'm not gonna try. 434 00:25:00,100 --> 00:25:03,600 - Here, you try it. - I'm not gonna try it. 435 00:25:03,700 --> 00:25:08,200 We should get Christine. Yeah! She'll taste anything. 436 00:25:11,500 --> 00:25:15,400 I'm not gonna try it. Let's get Freddy. 437 00:25:15,500 --> 00:25:17,500 - Okay. - Oh, Freddy.! 438 00:25:17,600 --> 00:25:19,600 No, thanks. I'm allergic. It'll make me break out. 439 00:25:19,700 --> 00:25:24,500 Well, then, who's gonna try it? 440 00:25:41,000 --> 00:25:43,100 Who's the leader of this outfit? 441 00:25:43,100 --> 00:25:45,600 - He is. - He is. - He is. 442 00:25:45,700 --> 00:25:51,000 Son, I've been doin' this for a long time, and I gotta say... 443 00:25:51,100 --> 00:25:53,900 this is the best damn glass of purified water... 444 00:25:53,900 --> 00:25:56,700 I ever had. Congratulations.! 445 00:25:56,700 --> 00:25:59,000 Keep this up, and I'll be puttin' you in for private first class. 446 00:25:59,100 --> 00:26:01,000 Thank you, Sergeant. 447 00:26:01,100 --> 00:26:05,200 But I could not have done it without the inspirational guidance... 448 00:26:05,300 --> 00:26:08,200 of my brother, the pool man! 449 00:26:14,400 --> 00:26:16,400 Be right back, honey. 450 00:26:17,400 --> 00:26:19,500 Excuse me. 451 00:26:19,600 --> 00:26:21,700 Better go freshen up. 452 00:26:23,800 --> 00:26:27,500 Y- You're not gonna follow me into the bathroom, Bones. 453 00:26:27,600 --> 00:26:31,300 - No, come on. Bye. - Oh, baby. 454 00:26:31,400 --> 00:26:34,800 Speak-a French and Italiano. 455 00:26:34,800 --> 00:26:38,900 ♪Baby-babe Let's shift together ♪ 456 00:26:38,900 --> 00:26:42,000 ♪And Honey-hon Me and you ♪ 457 00:26:43,100 --> 00:26:45,700 ♪And do the things Ooh ♪ 458 00:26:45,800 --> 00:26:48,100 ♪Do the things ♪ 459 00:26:48,200 --> 00:26:51,000 ♪ That we like to do ♪ 460 00:26:51,100 --> 00:26:54,000 ♪ Ooh Do a little dance ♪ 461 00:26:54,000 --> 00:26:55,900 ♪Make a little love ♪ 462 00:26:56,000 --> 00:26:57,400 - ♪ Get down tonight ♪ - Bones! 463 00:26:57,500 --> 00:27:01,200 - ♪ Get down tonight ♪ - Whoa-oa-oa! 464 00:27:01,300 --> 00:27:05,000 - Put your clothes back on. - Come on. He hasn't seen you in eight weeks. 465 00:27:05,000 --> 00:27:07,100 Woof!. Woof!. 466 00:27:07,100 --> 00:27:10,200 Yeah! 467 00:27:10,200 --> 00:27:12,700 - Honey! - Look what I did for you. The Army did this. 468 00:27:12,700 --> 00:27:14,800 - You look buff. - I know. 469 00:27:14,900 --> 00:27:17,400 - Did you miss me? - Of course I did. 470 00:27:22,600 --> 00:27:25,400 Honey, wait, wait. Hold it here a second. 471 00:27:25,500 --> 00:27:28,100 We're in the middle of a party. Your friends might come in. 472 00:27:28,300 --> 00:27:33,200 - That'd be cool. - I think it's very rude if we stay more than a couple minutes. 473 00:27:33,300 --> 00:27:36,300 Two minutes? Perfect. We'll have time to cuddle afterwards. 474 00:27:40,500 --> 00:27:42,700 Hold that thought. 475 00:27:42,800 --> 00:27:45,800 Somebody better be dead. Hello. 476 00:27:45,800 --> 00:27:48,200 This is an official message. 477 00:27:48,200 --> 00:27:52,900 I saw a flock of wild geese migrating south. 478 00:27:53,000 --> 00:27:56,600 I say again, the geese are migrating south. 479 00:27:56,700 --> 00:28:00,400 Yeah? Well, my goose is about to lay a golden egg. 480 00:28:00,500 --> 00:28:02,400 You'll have to cruise the south solo, okay? 481 00:28:02,600 --> 00:28:04,500 Have a nice flight. 482 00:28:04,600 --> 00:28:07,400 - Who was it? - Someone who's into birds. 483 00:28:07,400 --> 00:28:09,400 Caw, caw! 484 00:28:13,900 --> 00:28:17,100 Look, you saw the goose. I'm the walrus and Paul is dead. 485 00:28:17,100 --> 00:28:20,100 I'm tryin' to bury my beak here, so give it a rest! 486 00:28:20,100 --> 00:28:22,200 All right, that's it. 487 00:28:33,600 --> 00:28:35,600 Jack! 488 00:28:35,800 --> 00:28:37,700 - Get the phone. - Who is it? 489 00:28:37,900 --> 00:28:40,300 It's a freak calling about wild geese migrating. 490 00:28:40,500 --> 00:28:42,400 - Hello. - Bones! 491 00:28:45,800 --> 00:28:49,500 Wha- No, don't. Christine, don't. Look. 492 00:28:49,600 --> 00:28:51,800 - Which way? - Who cares? 493 00:28:51,900 --> 00:28:54,900 - North or south? - South. 494 00:28:55,000 --> 00:28:59,600 - Yes! Yes, yes! - What? 495 00:28:59,700 --> 00:29:01,700 You guys, don't you remember? 496 00:29:01,700 --> 00:29:03,700 About the code? 497 00:29:03,700 --> 00:29:06,600 So that if we got called up for active duty then we would know it was for real. 498 00:29:06,700 --> 00:29:09,700 - It's gotta be a mistake. - It's gotta be Chad. 499 00:29:09,800 --> 00:29:13,400 Hello, Mama? It's Frederick. 500 00:29:13,500 --> 00:29:15,500 Uh, you sittin' down? 501 00:29:15,500 --> 00:29:19,200 Chad is the African country, the one that Libya's about to invade. 502 00:29:19,300 --> 00:29:21,000 Uh, turn off the music. 503 00:29:21,100 --> 00:29:23,100 - Ahh! - Ahh! - Ahh! 504 00:29:23,100 --> 00:29:27,500 Do you remember when you told me that every Black man should visit the motherland? 505 00:29:27,500 --> 00:29:30,900 Bones, why do you think I chose water purification? 506 00:29:31,000 --> 00:29:33,300 - Mmm, is your brother a pool man? - No. 507 00:29:33,400 --> 00:29:36,300 It's because Chad is in a desert. 508 00:29:36,300 --> 00:29:38,800 And water purification is the Reserve occupation... 509 00:29:38,900 --> 00:29:41,700 most likely to be called up if there's a desert war. 510 00:29:41,800 --> 00:29:45,300 And there's a desert war, and we're going! 511 00:29:45,400 --> 00:29:49,300 - That's it, Bones. I'm gonna kill you. - You gotta relax here. 512 00:29:49,300 --> 00:29:52,100 I'm gonna get us outta this one. 513 00:29:52,200 --> 00:29:54,100 Trust me. 514 00:30:03,900 --> 00:30:05,800 At ease. 515 00:30:05,900 --> 00:30:08,700 Sir, I know we're going to Chad... 516 00:30:08,800 --> 00:30:11,300 but there's something you need to know aboutJack and I... 517 00:30:11,400 --> 00:30:13,500 - before we go, sir. - Yes? 518 00:30:14,800 --> 00:30:19,600 Uh, Bones and I are very close friends. 519 00:30:21,300 --> 00:30:24,600 - Very. - Oh, I see. 520 00:30:24,700 --> 00:30:28,300 In that case, boys, I guess you're not going to Chad. 521 00:30:31,600 --> 00:30:34,200 Sorry to disappoint you, sir. 522 00:30:36,500 --> 00:30:38,500 Uh,just one thing. 523 00:30:40,700 --> 00:30:42,700 Anything. 524 00:30:42,800 --> 00:30:44,300 Kiss 'im. 525 00:30:46,400 --> 00:30:49,600 - 'Scuse me? - Kiss your friend. 526 00:30:49,800 --> 00:30:52,000 You don't have a problem with that, do ya? 527 00:30:54,000 --> 00:30:55,900 - Oh, no. - Uh-uh. 528 00:30:55,900 --> 00:30:58,300 He kisses me every day. 529 00:31:15,000 --> 00:31:18,200 Just do it. 530 00:31:22,600 --> 00:31:25,200 Oh, shit. Is it hot in Chad? 531 00:31:25,300 --> 00:31:30,000 As the Libyan raids against U.N. forces near the border continue... 532 00:31:30,100 --> 00:31:33,700 this U.S. force is being readied to deter the invasion... 533 00:31:33,700 --> 00:31:38,300 threatened by the Libyan leader in his television broadcast last night. 534 00:31:38,300 --> 00:31:42,200 As the buildup here continues, the first Army Reserve units arrived here today. 535 00:31:42,300 --> 00:31:45,600 - These units will aid in the supply... - Hello, Mama. 536 00:31:45,600 --> 00:31:48,700 and logistical support of the growing U.S. presence here. 537 00:31:48,800 --> 00:31:51,600 These troops are in high spirits, and the morale is high. 538 00:31:51,700 --> 00:31:53,700 - And their hopes are high that this mission... - Soldiers, let's go! 539 00:31:53,700 --> 00:31:56,300 will remain a peaceful one. 540 00:31:56,500 --> 00:31:59,500 Reporting live from Chad for Worldwide News Report... 541 00:31:59,600 --> 00:32:02,000 this is Stu Krieger. 542 00:32:17,800 --> 00:32:20,700 I am First Sergeant Brandon T. Williams. 543 00:32:20,800 --> 00:32:23,400 It is my intention to run this company like a clock. 544 00:32:23,500 --> 00:32:27,600 If one gear slips in my clock, my clock'll tell the wrong time. 545 00:32:27,700 --> 00:32:31,000 If one spring is loose in my clock, my clock'll tell the wrong time. 546 00:32:31,100 --> 00:32:33,800 First Sgt. Williams likes his clock to tell the right time. 547 00:32:33,900 --> 00:32:37,900 - Do you understand me? - Yes, First Sergeant! 548 00:32:38,000 --> 00:32:41,400 - What did he say? - I don't know. Something about his clock being broken. 549 00:32:43,000 --> 00:32:46,400 Have my words fallen upon deaf ears? 550 00:32:46,400 --> 00:32:49,800 Yes, Sergeant! I mean, no, Sergeant. 551 00:32:49,900 --> 00:32:54,700 Don't you know I'm your first sergeant? 552 00:32:54,800 --> 00:32:57,100 Actually, I wish you were my first sergeant... 553 00:32:57,200 --> 00:33:00,100 but I already had a couple ones already. 554 00:33:01,000 --> 00:33:03,300 Drop and give me push-ups! 555 00:33:03,400 --> 00:33:05,700 You will continue to do push-ups until you learn... 556 00:33:05,800 --> 00:33:08,100 to address me as First Sergeant, is that clear? 557 00:33:08,100 --> 00:33:10,100 - Yes, First Sergeant! - Count off!. 558 00:33:10,200 --> 00:33:12,800 One, First Sergeant. Two, First Sergeant. 559 00:33:12,900 --> 00:33:15,100 Three, First Sergeant. Four, First Sergeant. 560 00:33:15,200 --> 00:33:18,000 - Five, First Sergeant. Six, First Sergeant. - Don't eyeball me. 561 00:33:18,100 --> 00:33:22,200 Seven, First Sergeant. Eight, First Sergeant. Nine, First Sergeant. 562 00:33:22,200 --> 00:33:27,700 Ten, First Sergeant. Eleven, First Sergeant. Twelve, First Sergeant. 563 00:33:27,800 --> 00:33:30,900 13, First Sergeant. 14, First Sergeant. 564 00:33:30,900 --> 00:33:34,000 123, First Sergeant. 124, First Sergeant. 565 00:33:34,100 --> 00:33:37,600 - 125, First Sergeant. - That's enough. On your feet! 566 00:33:37,700 --> 00:33:41,300 Son, I bet you did a lot of push-ups in basic training, didn't you? 567 00:33:41,400 --> 00:33:44,300 - Yes, First Sergeant. - Well, you just did your last push-up, soldier. 568 00:33:44,400 --> 00:33:47,300 - I will never ask you to do another. - Thank you, First Sergeant. 569 00:33:47,300 --> 00:33:49,500 You just graduated to peelin' potatoes. 570 00:33:49,600 --> 00:33:53,200 6,543, First Sergeant. 571 00:33:53,300 --> 00:33:57,500 6,544, First Sergeant. 572 00:33:57,600 --> 00:34:02,200 Oh, First Sergeant. 6,545, First Sergeant. Ooh. 573 00:34:02,200 --> 00:34:05,400 Six thousand, one- 600,000... 574 00:34:05,500 --> 00:34:10,500 5,452, First Sergeant. Shit, I lost count. 575 00:34:10,700 --> 00:34:13,500 Wait, we got it! We got it! Look! 576 00:34:13,600 --> 00:34:16,600 - Ooh! - That's my butt! 577 00:34:16,700 --> 00:34:19,500 Good one, Bones. 578 00:34:19,600 --> 00:34:23,100 - ♪ Kumbaya ♪♪ - Stop it! 579 00:34:31,400 --> 00:34:34,300 Oh, cool, look. Hey. 580 00:34:34,300 --> 00:34:36,600 It's a sunroof. 581 00:34:52,100 --> 00:34:56,200 Oh, look. 582 00:34:56,300 --> 00:34:59,100 Gabriella tucked a little note into my duffel bag. 583 00:34:59,100 --> 00:35:01,500 Yeah. 584 00:35:01,500 --> 00:35:05,500 "Dear Bones, by the time you read this I will already be-" 585 00:35:06,900 --> 00:35:11,700 What? "I will already be in Milan with Guido. " 586 00:35:13,100 --> 00:35:17,000 Oh, she dumped ya. Sorry, Bones. 587 00:35:17,100 --> 00:35:21,000 I must say, this guy sounds really nice. He's got a villa right on the Adriatic Sea. 588 00:35:21,000 --> 00:35:24,200 - Jack, don't rub it in. - No, no. You're better off. 589 00:35:24,200 --> 00:35:28,100 She's a horrible speller. There's only one "S" in loser. Look at that. 590 00:35:28,200 --> 00:35:30,900 And, "immaturish"? I don't even think that's a word. 591 00:35:31,000 --> 00:35:36,000 - Gabriella, sh-she broke my heart. - Sorry. 592 00:35:36,100 --> 00:35:40,100 Well, fortunately, I'm too shallow to stay bummed for too long. 593 00:35:40,200 --> 00:35:43,100 I'll take that. Mmm. 594 00:35:43,100 --> 00:35:45,000 Would you mind turning the light off please,Jack? 595 00:35:45,100 --> 00:35:47,000 Oh, yeah. 596 00:35:47,100 --> 00:35:49,900 Fred, you checked your bag for scorpions. 597 00:35:50,000 --> 00:35:52,000 - Right? - For scorpions? 598 00:35:52,100 --> 00:35:55,500 - He's messing with you, Fred. - No, I'm not. 599 00:35:55,600 --> 00:35:58,400 Chad is the scorpion capital of the world. 600 00:35:58,500 --> 00:36:01,500 Yep, Fred. They're big ones too. 'Bout as big as my fist. 601 00:36:01,600 --> 00:36:03,800 They outnumber people two to one. 602 00:36:03,900 --> 00:36:06,500 And that margin grows with every sting. 603 00:36:08,100 --> 00:36:09,800 So, have a good sleep, Fred. 604 00:36:09,800 --> 00:36:11,800 - Good night, everybody. - Good night, Bones. 605 00:36:11,800 --> 00:36:15,200 - Night, Sue Ellen. - Night,John Boy. 606 00:36:15,900 --> 00:36:17,800 Scorpions! 607 00:36:18,600 --> 00:36:21,200 Yeah, right. 608 00:36:28,600 --> 00:36:31,100 I got one. I got one! 609 00:36:31,200 --> 00:36:33,200 I got one. I got one! 610 00:36:33,300 --> 00:36:35,500 I got one. I got one! 611 00:36:35,500 --> 00:36:40,300 I got one. I got one! 612 00:36:40,500 --> 00:36:43,100 I got one. I got one! Agh! 613 00:36:43,100 --> 00:36:46,500 Very funny! 614 00:36:46,600 --> 00:36:49,500 We're just tryin' to help ya get over your fears, Fred, really. 615 00:36:49,600 --> 00:36:51,600 Don't worry about it. You come sleep with me. 616 00:36:51,700 --> 00:36:55,800 I'd rather take my chances with the scorpion, thank you. 617 00:36:58,700 --> 00:37:00,500 God, I hate this. 618 00:37:00,600 --> 00:37:04,800 It's not that bad. It's like camp. 619 00:37:04,900 --> 00:37:08,600 ♪John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt ♪ 620 00:37:08,600 --> 00:37:11,300 - ♪ That's my name too ♪ - ♪ That's my name too ♪ 621 00:37:11,300 --> 00:37:15,200 ♪ Whenever we go out the people always shout ♪ 622 00:37:15,300 --> 00:37:18,100 ♪ There's goes John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt ♪ 623 00:37:18,200 --> 00:37:20,000 - ♪ Da, da, da, da ♪ - ♪ Da, da, da, da ♪ 624 00:37:20,000 --> 00:37:23,300 ♪John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt ♪ 625 00:37:23,400 --> 00:37:27,000 - Come on! - ♪ That's my name too ♪♪ 626 00:37:27,100 --> 00:37:30,100 - Shut up! - Shut up! 627 00:37:57,300 --> 00:37:59,500 Don't eat the chicken. 628 00:37:59,600 --> 00:38:02,700 Man, it tastes just like frog. Are you- Can I- 629 00:38:02,900 --> 00:38:04,900 Thanks. Enjoy. 630 00:38:10,100 --> 00:38:12,600 - Ready.! - Go! 631 00:38:16,000 --> 00:38:18,100 Who are they? 632 00:38:18,200 --> 00:38:20,800 - Special Forces. - Mmm. 633 00:38:23,500 --> 00:38:27,500 - 14.11 seconds. - Damn! Try it again. 634 00:38:28,600 --> 00:38:31,000 - Go.! - He's incredible. 635 00:38:31,100 --> 00:38:33,100 Time me. 636 00:38:34,200 --> 00:38:36,100 All right. 637 00:38:37,500 --> 00:38:39,500 Go! 638 00:38:39,500 --> 00:38:42,400 Shoo! Shoo! Shoo! 639 00:38:49,600 --> 00:38:51,500 - Where'd it hit? - Oh, that's not good. 640 00:38:51,600 --> 00:38:54,000 - What happened? Just- - That is not good. 641 00:39:00,600 --> 00:39:03,000 Oh, great. He's comin'over. 642 00:39:03,000 --> 00:39:05,900 Just don't look at 'im. 643 00:39:06,000 --> 00:39:10,200 - You lose somethin'? - Yeah, thanks. 644 00:39:11,400 --> 00:39:13,800 You put it in my lasagna. 645 00:39:13,900 --> 00:39:17,200 You better call 911, get an ambulance, find a doctor, order a toe tag... 646 00:39:17,200 --> 00:39:20,900 'cause I'm gonna tear off your head and spit it down your neck, understand, boy? 647 00:39:21,700 --> 00:39:26,000 - Huh? - Hey! Hey! 648 00:39:26,000 --> 00:39:30,000 You have to relax a little. Take it easy. 649 00:39:30,100 --> 00:39:34,000 We're in the middle of a war, and we're on the same side. 650 00:39:37,200 --> 00:39:42,200 Would America have won the Civil War... 651 00:39:42,300 --> 00:39:45,800 if Benjamin Franklin did not get along with Eleanor Roosevelt? 652 00:39:46,000 --> 00:39:48,000 - Right on.! - A little knowledge. 653 00:39:48,100 --> 00:39:49,900 A little knowledge to "parter. " 654 00:39:50,000 --> 00:39:52,800 - Hmm? - Go ahead, man. 655 00:39:52,900 --> 00:39:56,300 If our soldiers, our American soldiers... 656 00:39:56,400 --> 00:39:59,600 acted like this in Desert Storm... 657 00:39:59,600 --> 00:40:02,200 Saddam Hussein would still be running Iraq. 658 00:40:04,900 --> 00:40:06,900 Excuse me. 659 00:40:09,000 --> 00:40:12,300 So maybe we're a bunch of Reservists fresh off the plane, right? 660 00:40:12,400 --> 00:40:14,800 It's obvious. But you regular guys... 661 00:40:14,900 --> 00:40:18,900 you've been here so long that your brains are fried! 662 00:40:19,100 --> 00:40:23,000 So I guess, what I'm really trying to say is... 663 00:40:23,100 --> 00:40:25,600 Come on, genius, spit it out. 664 00:40:25,700 --> 00:40:29,900 that doesn't mean we all can't be friends... please. 665 00:40:29,900 --> 00:40:32,300 There's only one problem with you "newbies:" 666 00:40:32,300 --> 00:40:35,300 - Tell him the truth. - You don't eat enough. 667 00:40:35,400 --> 00:40:37,500 No, th-that's mi- 668 00:40:39,700 --> 00:40:43,600 Attention.! 669 00:40:53,500 --> 00:40:55,700 As you were. 670 00:41:00,400 --> 00:41:02,400 Son... 671 00:41:02,400 --> 00:41:05,100 I bet the mess sergeant could use a volunteer... 672 00:41:05,200 --> 00:41:07,800 - to peel potatoes. - Yes, sir! 673 00:41:07,900 --> 00:41:10,700 - Can we count on you? - Yes, sir. 674 00:41:10,800 --> 00:41:13,800 Carry on. 675 00:41:13,800 --> 00:41:16,900 I happen to know, on this base there's not one "unpeeled" potato. 676 00:41:32,200 --> 00:41:34,400 I heard the Libyans are already backing down... 677 00:41:34,400 --> 00:41:37,100 - and we're gonna be outta here in two weeks. - Yeah? 678 00:41:37,100 --> 00:41:40,700 I hear they're sending 20,000 more troops, and we're gonna be here 'til Christmas. 679 00:41:40,800 --> 00:41:44,300 Go like that. Wait, wait. Hey! 680 00:41:44,400 --> 00:41:46,800 Where you goin'? 681 00:41:46,900 --> 00:41:49,300 It's not like I got bad breath. 682 00:41:54,200 --> 00:41:56,600 Help. 683 00:41:56,700 --> 00:42:00,500 And until they comply with U.N. resolution 991... 684 00:42:00,600 --> 00:42:02,800 I don't think anybody's goin' anywhere. 685 00:42:02,900 --> 00:42:05,100 You're amazing, Christine. 686 00:42:05,200 --> 00:42:08,200 How do you keep up with all that stuff? 687 00:42:10,100 --> 00:42:14,100 Christine? 688 00:42:16,700 --> 00:42:20,000 All right, quit screwin' around. 689 00:42:20,100 --> 00:42:24,200 Chris, send some water with this mud! 690 00:42:30,000 --> 00:42:31,900 Chris! 691 00:42:35,500 --> 00:42:37,600 Jack? 692 00:42:39,200 --> 00:42:41,200 You- 693 00:42:41,300 --> 00:42:43,900 Fred? Agh! 694 00:42:43,900 --> 00:42:46,000 Agh! 695 00:42:46,100 --> 00:42:49,100 How's it feel to be dead, water boy? 696 00:42:49,200 --> 00:42:52,300 Ooh. 697 00:42:52,400 --> 00:42:54,900 I don't know. How does it feel to be a dick, dick? 698 00:43:02,900 --> 00:43:05,200 Dammit! Where's my water? 699 00:43:05,300 --> 00:43:08,200 There was none delivered last night, First Sergeant. 700 00:43:11,200 --> 00:43:13,400 Goddamn piece of shit "newbies. " 701 00:43:13,400 --> 00:43:16,300 How am I gonna run a decent H.Q without my coffee? 702 00:43:21,700 --> 00:43:25,700 That is truly a pathetic sight. Who perpetrated this? 703 00:43:33,900 --> 00:43:36,300 O- ooow! 704 00:43:39,900 --> 00:43:43,700 - Who did this to you? - I can't tell you, First Sergeant. 705 00:43:43,800 --> 00:43:46,400 What? You have too much honor? 706 00:43:46,400 --> 00:43:50,200 No-o-o! I've been threatened with death. 707 00:43:50,200 --> 00:43:53,100 Untie these clowns, and get me some water! 708 00:43:53,200 --> 00:43:54,800 Agh! 709 00:43:56,500 --> 00:43:59,000 ♪I just love it any ol'way ♪ 710 00:43:59,000 --> 00:44:01,500 - ♪ I just love it any ol' way ♪ - Ahem. 711 00:44:01,500 --> 00:44:03,600 I have an announcement. 712 00:44:03,600 --> 00:44:06,100 Do you guys want your water, 'cause you're lookin' a little bit crispy? 713 00:44:06,200 --> 00:44:08,500 - You better wa- - Oh, I know. I know. 714 00:44:08,600 --> 00:44:12,600 Tell me if this is right. I better call 976, find a doctor... 715 00:44:12,700 --> 00:44:14,700 and tag an ambulance, 'cause you're gonna tear offi my toe... 716 00:44:14,900 --> 00:44:16,700 and spit down my head, right? 717 00:44:16,800 --> 00:44:18,700 Do you guys want your water or not? 718 00:44:18,800 --> 00:44:20,800 Sergeant.! 719 00:44:20,800 --> 00:44:24,200 Report to Capt. Roberts. You've got a mission. 720 00:44:24,200 --> 00:44:26,700 Water boys... 721 00:44:26,800 --> 00:44:29,400 report to First Sergeant Williams, you've got a mission too. 722 00:44:30,600 --> 00:44:32,400 Listen up! Capt. Denby says... 723 00:44:32,500 --> 00:44:36,600 we're gonna resupply the forward U.N. peace-keeping base. 724 00:44:36,600 --> 00:44:39,700 This is a very simple, routine mission. 725 00:44:39,800 --> 00:44:43,400 You will fall into line in a very large, very prepared convoy. 726 00:44:43,600 --> 00:44:47,300 All you have to do is follow the truck in front of you. 727 00:44:47,400 --> 00:44:49,800 When your troops get thirsty, you will give them water. 728 00:44:49,900 --> 00:44:51,800 Conway, you look confused. 729 00:44:51,900 --> 00:44:53,800 Are you sure you wanna send us to a forward area? 730 00:44:53,900 --> 00:44:56,800 - We're just water boys. - You are soldiers! 731 00:44:56,900 --> 00:45:00,400 You will get in that convoy, and you will be a credit to the United States Army. 732 00:45:00,500 --> 00:45:02,700 - Is that clear? - Yes, First Sergeant! 733 00:45:02,700 --> 00:45:06,700 - Then muscle your lollygaggin' butts and move out! - Yes, First Sergeant! 734 00:45:34,000 --> 00:45:35,900 Dammit! 735 00:45:36,000 --> 00:45:38,800 Forget it. They're gonna send a tow truck. 736 00:45:41,300 --> 00:45:43,300 Man, what I wouldn't do... 737 00:45:43,400 --> 00:45:46,800 for a double-meat, chili cheeseburger right now. 738 00:45:46,900 --> 00:45:50,200 No, a margarita on the rocks. 739 00:45:50,300 --> 00:45:52,400 Mmm. 740 00:45:52,500 --> 00:45:55,500 Or some fresh, butteryJiffy-Pop. 741 00:45:55,600 --> 00:45:58,100 - That's not popcorn, boys. - Hmm? 742 00:45:58,200 --> 00:46:00,200 That convoy's under attack. 743 00:46:03,200 --> 00:46:05,500 Really? I don't think so. 744 00:46:08,900 --> 00:46:12,300 - A maniac's shooting at us! - It's not a maniac. It's the enemy! 745 00:46:12,400 --> 00:46:15,500 - What the hell are you doing? - Surrendering! Don't shoot! 746 00:46:26,300 --> 00:46:28,300 Damn! 747 00:46:30,000 --> 00:46:32,500 Nice goin', Christine. 748 00:46:32,600 --> 00:46:35,400 Did you have to shoot so close? You scared the shit outta me. 749 00:46:35,500 --> 00:46:39,400 Excuse me for livin'! I was just tryin' to save your worthless little life. 750 00:46:39,400 --> 00:46:42,400 Christine, are you aware that after a near-death experience... 751 00:46:42,400 --> 00:46:44,700 there's often a desire to have sex? 752 00:46:44,800 --> 00:46:47,200 - Yeah,Jack. - That's right. 753 00:46:47,300 --> 00:46:50,900 - I feel it. - All right! 754 00:46:50,900 --> 00:46:53,700 Just not with you... ever! 755 00:46:53,800 --> 00:46:57,200 - Got it? - Yeah. Got it. 756 00:46:57,300 --> 00:47:01,200 - I'm glad we could have this little talk. - I didn't feel anything. 757 00:47:01,400 --> 00:47:05,400 You guys, let's get outta here The truck's on fire! 758 00:47:22,200 --> 00:47:24,100 Stay low. It's gonna... 759 00:47:30,400 --> 00:47:32,300 explode. 760 00:47:34,100 --> 00:47:36,400 Where's Bones? 761 00:47:38,000 --> 00:47:40,400 Hello! 762 00:47:44,900 --> 00:47:47,600 Now rickity-tick your mustering lollygaggin'. 763 00:47:47,700 --> 00:47:51,800 Let's lollygaggin' outta here! 764 00:48:01,100 --> 00:48:04,400 - Isn't the road that way? - Takin' the shortcut. 765 00:48:04,500 --> 00:48:08,400 - Is there one? - Mm-hmm. The road curves around like this. 766 00:48:08,500 --> 00:48:10,900 All we gotta do is cut through the desert here... 767 00:48:11,000 --> 00:48:14,400 - and catch up with the convoy over there. - Watch out! 768 00:48:14,500 --> 00:48:16,400 I think I know what I'm doing here. 769 00:48:16,400 --> 00:48:21,200 I guess this is the wrong time to tell you guys I get very easily carsick. 770 00:48:35,400 --> 00:48:38,100 Bones, I don't see a road. 771 00:48:38,300 --> 00:48:43,600 I have the best sense of direction of anyone you know. The road's over there. 772 00:48:43,700 --> 00:48:47,000 Three miles... maybe four. 773 00:48:47,100 --> 00:48:50,800 Oh,yeah. Maybe ten, maybe twenty. 774 00:48:50,800 --> 00:48:52,900 Maybe our truck is sinking. 775 00:48:54,700 --> 00:48:56,500 No-o-o! 776 00:49:12,500 --> 00:49:15,000 Push! 777 00:49:15,100 --> 00:49:18,700 Forget it, okay? Just shut it down. We'll dig it out. 778 00:49:18,800 --> 00:49:21,400 Just stand back. Stand back. I'm gonna rock it. 779 00:49:27,200 --> 00:49:29,400 Will you quit? It's not working. 780 00:49:29,500 --> 00:49:32,800 You're sucking too much sand into the air filter. 781 00:49:32,900 --> 00:49:37,700 - I order you... to shut it down now! - You order me? 782 00:49:37,700 --> 00:49:41,200 I'm Private First Class. Okay? I'm ordering you. Come on. 783 00:49:41,300 --> 00:49:43,900 The only reason you made... 784 00:49:44,000 --> 00:49:46,300 private first class... 785 00:49:46,400 --> 00:49:49,100 is because your brother's a pool man. 786 00:49:54,400 --> 00:49:56,600 Huh? You happy? 787 00:49:56,600 --> 00:49:59,800 Get off!. 788 00:49:59,800 --> 00:50:03,200 I hope you brought your Triple "A" cards. 789 00:50:03,200 --> 00:50:05,500 Let's see. 790 00:50:10,200 --> 00:50:12,300 Well, look. You cracked the block. 791 00:50:12,400 --> 00:50:15,700 - I could've done it if you hadn't stopped me. - You're so full of it. 792 00:50:15,800 --> 00:50:17,900 - You know what? - Shut up.! 793 00:50:18,000 --> 00:50:20,100 We gotta figure out what we're gonna do. 794 00:50:20,300 --> 00:50:23,100 Why don't you just ask our fearless leader here? 795 00:50:23,100 --> 00:50:26,100 Pvt. First Class Bones, the one with the highest rank. 796 00:50:26,100 --> 00:50:28,900 All you had to do,Jack, was just listen to me. 797 00:50:28,900 --> 00:50:32,300 All I've ever done is listen to you, and look where it's taken me. 798 00:50:32,400 --> 00:50:36,300 Look! We're in the middle of some African hellhole... 799 00:50:36,300 --> 00:50:39,600 under a flesh-frying sun with the sky filled with vultures... 800 00:50:39,700 --> 00:50:43,100 ready to pluck out my eyeballs. 801 00:50:43,200 --> 00:50:46,600 Vultures don't come around unless something's about to die. 802 00:51:02,600 --> 00:51:07,000 Are you ripping the sleeves off your jacket? 803 00:51:07,100 --> 00:51:09,900 That's gonna look sexy. 804 00:51:09,900 --> 00:51:13,700 Jack, tomorrow we have to walk away from this water truck. 805 00:51:13,800 --> 00:51:15,900 We have two canteens between us. 806 00:51:16,000 --> 00:51:19,000 We're gonna fill up the sleeves with water and then we have more water. 807 00:51:19,100 --> 00:51:22,400 Am I the only person who paid attention in survival class? 808 00:51:26,500 --> 00:51:29,400 There's a scorpion on my back! 809 00:51:29,400 --> 00:51:33,600 That's enough! There's not a scorpion on your back! 810 00:51:34,800 --> 00:51:37,900 Uh-uh. There is a scorpion on my back! 811 00:51:38,000 --> 00:51:40,600 Fred, there's nothing on your back. 812 00:51:40,700 --> 00:51:43,900 You keep on imagining things. 813 00:51:45,600 --> 00:51:48,600 Thank you. I needed that. 814 00:51:48,700 --> 00:51:51,600 I'm sorry I snapped. 815 00:51:51,700 --> 00:51:54,400 You don't have to apologize. 816 00:51:54,500 --> 00:51:58,500 You're right! I see things very clear now. 817 00:51:58,600 --> 00:52:00,700 All right. Right! 818 00:52:00,800 --> 00:52:03,100 Guys, I want to apologize to everybody. Okay? 819 00:52:03,100 --> 00:52:05,400 - He's okay. - I feel like a brand-new man. 820 00:52:05,500 --> 00:52:07,600 - Now, can we get some rest? - Okay. 821 00:52:07,700 --> 00:52:10,100 Thank you. 822 00:52:18,200 --> 00:52:20,100 What are you doing? 823 00:52:20,200 --> 00:52:23,300 Just felt like going- 824 00:52:23,400 --> 00:52:26,000 You're always playing! 825 00:52:26,100 --> 00:52:29,300 Did you guys see that thing? It was- 826 00:52:38,100 --> 00:52:41,000 Follow me. I know exactly where I'm goin'. 827 00:52:41,000 --> 00:52:43,700 ♪ When all there's left to do ♪ 828 00:52:43,800 --> 00:52:45,500 Trust me. 829 00:52:45,600 --> 00:52:48,000 ♪ 'Cause you're fightin' what's been done ♪ 830 00:52:49,600 --> 00:52:53,800 ♪ This is where sadness breathes ♪ 831 00:52:53,900 --> 00:52:58,100 ♪ The sadness of everyone ♪ 832 00:52:58,100 --> 00:53:01,600 ♪Just like when the guys quit the damn at Otter Creek ♪ 833 00:53:01,700 --> 00:53:04,300 ♪And all the water backed up ♪ 834 00:53:04,400 --> 00:53:07,700 ♪Deep enough to die ♪ 835 00:53:09,000 --> 00:53:12,100 You guys, get down. I see something. Get down! 836 00:53:22,700 --> 00:53:25,700 It's a truck! There's the road. We are saved! 837 00:53:25,800 --> 00:53:28,700 I told you I had a flawless sense of direction. 838 00:53:30,800 --> 00:53:33,400 What a coincidence.! That truck looks- 839 00:53:33,500 --> 00:53:37,100 That looks like our truck. 840 00:53:43,100 --> 00:53:47,700 Listen you guys. Hey. I figured out why we went in circles. 841 00:53:47,800 --> 00:53:50,100 Do you remember our map-reading class? 842 00:53:50,200 --> 00:53:53,500 We didn't follow the sun! 843 00:53:55,700 --> 00:53:59,500 Look, this stream is due west. 844 00:53:59,500 --> 00:54:02,400 All we have to do is walk away from the sun in the morning... 845 00:54:02,500 --> 00:54:06,100 towards the sun in the afternoon and we should be there by nightfall. 846 00:54:06,100 --> 00:54:10,300 So you're saying we should risk being dried up into human jerky again... 847 00:54:10,400 --> 00:54:13,400 just to follow another one of your half-baked plans. 848 00:54:13,500 --> 00:54:17,200 I'm not saying anything, okay? I mean, I'm pretty sure this is gonna work. 849 00:54:17,300 --> 00:54:20,700 But since I let us down before, I say from here on in... 850 00:54:20,800 --> 00:54:23,000 we put everything to a vote. 851 00:54:23,100 --> 00:54:25,600 We can't vote. You order. 852 00:54:25,700 --> 00:54:28,700 - We follow. - Okay, well I order us to vote. 853 00:54:28,800 --> 00:54:32,800 That is not how the Army goes. You have to tell us what to do. 854 00:54:32,900 --> 00:54:35,200 What if I'm wrong? 855 00:54:36,500 --> 00:54:39,400 Then... we die. 856 00:54:44,900 --> 00:54:47,300 I order us... 857 00:54:47,300 --> 00:54:50,600 to do a sunbaked... plan thing. 858 00:54:50,700 --> 00:54:53,500 We're dead. 859 00:54:55,800 --> 00:55:00,400 Hey, guys,just think of it as a very long day... 860 00:55:00,400 --> 00:55:04,700 on a very big beach in a very dry year. 861 00:55:22,100 --> 00:55:24,300 Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. 862 00:55:24,400 --> 00:55:26,600 Wait a minute. It's the ocean. 863 00:55:26,600 --> 00:55:28,700 I don't see anything. 864 00:55:28,800 --> 00:55:31,200 What, are you blind? Th-The waves! 865 00:55:31,300 --> 00:55:33,200 It's the ocean.! 866 00:55:33,300 --> 00:55:35,600 It's a mirage! 867 00:55:35,600 --> 00:55:38,400 It is a mirage! And there's Caesars. 868 00:55:38,500 --> 00:55:43,300 Right across the street is the Barbary Coast where you can get a $3.99 buffet. 869 00:55:43,400 --> 00:55:47,200 It's the ocean! Come on! 870 00:55:47,300 --> 00:55:50,000 Come on.! Let's go.! 871 00:55:50,100 --> 00:55:54,200 Come on! First one in! 872 00:55:54,300 --> 00:55:56,500 Come on.! 873 00:56:08,200 --> 00:56:12,500 Here's a canteen. Go get your boy 'cause he's buggin'. 874 00:56:25,700 --> 00:56:28,100 Are you okay, man? Are you okay? Here. 875 00:56:28,300 --> 00:56:30,800 Take a sip. 876 00:56:30,900 --> 00:56:32,900 Listen. 877 00:56:33,000 --> 00:56:35,200 Look,Jack, we got two choices: 878 00:56:35,300 --> 00:56:38,900 One, we could put your clothes back on, get ourselves out of this mess. 879 00:56:39,000 --> 00:56:43,200 Go back to Glendale. Start up our own store. Become rich and famous! 880 00:56:43,300 --> 00:56:47,000 Or two, you can lie here butt-naked and crust away... 881 00:56:47,000 --> 00:56:49,400 leaving your skull to be found by a young Arabic prince... 882 00:56:49,500 --> 00:56:51,700 that's gonna use it for an ashtray. 883 00:56:55,100 --> 00:56:57,600 You don't want that in your head. 884 00:56:57,800 --> 00:56:59,900 You make the call. Come on, let's get outta here. 885 00:57:01,400 --> 00:57:03,500 What do you say? Come on. 886 00:57:03,600 --> 00:57:06,900 Here. Here. 887 00:57:09,400 --> 00:57:11,800 Come on. 888 00:57:15,700 --> 00:57:19,600 Hey. Oh,Jack, look at that ass! 889 00:57:19,700 --> 00:57:23,700 Maybe you should stay naked, get some sun on those cheeks. 890 00:57:31,200 --> 00:57:34,500 - What? - Man, now I'm seeing things. 891 00:57:34,600 --> 00:57:37,100 The palm trees right on the horizon. 892 00:57:37,200 --> 00:57:39,600 It's another mirage. 893 00:57:39,700 --> 00:57:42,600 - Oh, my god, I see it too. - It's not a mirage. 894 00:57:42,700 --> 00:57:46,300 Those are the palm trees! It's the oasis! 895 00:57:46,300 --> 00:57:50,600 Oh, man. You saved our lives! 896 00:57:54,700 --> 00:57:57,700 Where's my kiss? Christine? 897 00:58:04,400 --> 00:58:09,300 This stream was due west. It was on the map, right? 898 00:58:09,400 --> 00:58:11,700 Where's the water? 899 00:58:13,000 --> 00:58:15,300 This is... sand! 900 00:58:20,800 --> 00:58:22,500 Nobody move. 901 00:58:23,700 --> 00:58:27,100 There is a big snake right by your feet. 902 00:58:31,500 --> 00:58:33,400 Thanks for not movin', Jack. 903 00:58:35,000 --> 00:58:37,000 Throw me the gun. 904 00:58:37,100 --> 00:58:40,800 If you don't attack it, it'll go away. 905 00:58:40,900 --> 00:58:43,900 I- I don't want it to go away. I want to have it for dinner. 906 00:58:44,000 --> 00:58:46,000 Throw me... the gun. 907 00:58:57,800 --> 00:59:00,000 You want some of this, baby? 908 00:59:00,100 --> 00:59:03,900 There you go. Come on.! 909 00:59:03,900 --> 00:59:07,200 Oh, no. I'm still gonna getcha! 910 00:59:08,500 --> 00:59:11,800 You're gonna die, vermin! I'll kill ya! 911 00:59:15,700 --> 00:59:18,800 Huh? Shudda-budda-da-da-da! 912 00:59:24,500 --> 00:59:28,100 Huh? It's a win-win situation. 913 00:59:30,300 --> 00:59:32,500 Would you look at that! 914 00:59:32,500 --> 00:59:34,600 Water from the bullet hole. 915 00:59:38,400 --> 00:59:40,800 Water.! Yeah.! 916 00:59:40,900 --> 00:59:43,800 Water! Water! 917 00:59:43,900 --> 00:59:47,800 Fresh water! I can't believe it! 918 00:59:47,900 --> 00:59:50,200 Is it snake yet? 919 00:59:50,300 --> 00:59:53,800 - Depends how you like it. - Well done! 920 00:59:53,900 --> 00:59:57,000 He used to be afraid of scorpions, now he's eatin' snake! 921 00:59:57,100 --> 00:59:59,200 That is impressive, Fred. 922 00:59:59,200 --> 01:00:02,900 I thought we were all gonna die. 923 01:00:04,000 --> 01:00:06,600 But you pulled us through. 924 01:00:06,700 --> 01:00:09,000 I don't know how... 925 01:00:09,100 --> 01:00:11,500 but thank you. 926 01:00:21,200 --> 01:00:24,400 That was, uh... 927 01:00:24,500 --> 01:00:26,400 pretty exceptional. 928 01:00:26,500 --> 01:00:29,500 So what are you gonna do if I get us rescued? 929 01:00:31,800 --> 01:00:33,800 Um... 930 01:00:33,900 --> 01:00:36,400 I will... 931 01:00:36,500 --> 01:00:38,600 take off all your clothes... 932 01:00:40,500 --> 01:00:43,200 tie you to the bed... 933 01:00:44,200 --> 01:00:48,800 rub warm oil all over your body... 934 01:00:48,900 --> 01:00:53,500 from the bottom of those feet to the top of that head... 935 01:00:53,600 --> 01:00:57,100 and proceed to have the nastiest... 936 01:00:57,200 --> 01:01:01,100 freakiest sex with you that you have ever imagined. 937 01:01:01,100 --> 01:01:03,700 Wow. 938 01:01:03,800 --> 01:01:07,400 Oh, that's it. Dammit! I saw her first! 939 01:01:07,500 --> 01:01:11,400 And look what happens! The same thing that happened with Gabriella. 940 01:01:11,400 --> 01:01:14,000 I saw her first. And Wanda Tushman. 941 01:01:14,100 --> 01:01:16,200 In the third grade. I saw her first.! 942 01:01:16,300 --> 01:01:19,700 And that girl in Palm Springs that turned out to be the guy. 943 01:01:19,700 --> 01:01:24,800 I saw that thing first too. You know why I'm not just strangling you right now? 944 01:01:24,900 --> 01:01:26,900 'Cause you can't cook a snake? 945 01:01:27,000 --> 01:01:28,900 No. 946 01:01:29,000 --> 01:01:31,900 Because no matter how long we've been friends... 947 01:01:32,000 --> 01:01:36,300 I never thought you'd be the kind of guy that would save our lives... 948 01:01:36,400 --> 01:01:38,500 let alone kill a snake. 949 01:01:38,500 --> 01:01:41,900 - But you did. - Hey, man, thanks. 950 01:01:42,100 --> 01:01:45,900 I think it's the U.N. flag. 951 01:01:45,900 --> 01:01:48,400 We're saved! 952 01:01:48,500 --> 01:01:52,100 - Guys, Christine and I are gonna need some time alone. - Sure, man! 953 01:01:56,200 --> 01:01:59,600 ...President in the situation room of the White House. 954 01:01:59,700 --> 01:02:04,000 The President is scheduled to address the nation tomorrow at 6:;00 P.M. 955 01:02:04,100 --> 01:02:06,200 Welcome. 956 01:02:06,300 --> 01:02:10,700 You are the Reservists from Glendale, California. Correct? 957 01:02:10,700 --> 01:02:14,700 According to W.N.R., you are presumed dead in a truck explosion. 958 01:02:14,800 --> 01:02:17,100 Hmm, where are we? 959 01:02:17,200 --> 01:02:22,000 You are on a military base well inside Libya. 960 01:02:22,100 --> 01:02:23,700 That is all you need to know. 961 01:02:23,800 --> 01:02:28,700 Oh, I forgot to mention. The war is starting tomorrow. 962 01:02:28,800 --> 01:02:32,800 - How'd you know that? - American TV. 963 01:02:32,900 --> 01:02:36,400 Your country is expected to start bombing our air bases tomorrow. 964 01:02:36,500 --> 01:02:38,900 When that happens... 965 01:02:38,900 --> 01:02:42,500 we will unleash missiles with chemical warheads against your bases. 966 01:02:42,600 --> 01:02:45,200 Consider yourself lucky to be here. 967 01:02:45,300 --> 01:02:47,700 Sleep well. 968 01:02:47,800 --> 01:02:52,500 You know, this is fine. It's like the time you got us arrested in Tijuana. 969 01:02:52,600 --> 01:02:54,800 Except we're in Libya. 970 01:02:54,800 --> 01:02:59,000 And your dad's not gonna pick us up here, brother. 971 01:02:59,100 --> 01:03:02,500 Yo, aren't you guys also American? 972 01:03:05,600 --> 01:03:07,500 Ah, see. I see. 973 01:03:07,600 --> 01:03:11,500 I was wounded and... I don't feel well. Please sing a song to comfort me. 974 01:03:11,600 --> 01:03:14,700 - Sing a song? - Any song! 975 01:03:14,800 --> 01:03:18,800 Oh, because of the thing- - Oh, okay. 976 01:03:18,900 --> 01:03:22,400 ♪ Rescue me ♪ Sing. 977 01:03:22,500 --> 01:03:27,300 ♪ I want your tender charms 'Cause I'm so lonely ♪ 978 01:03:27,400 --> 01:03:29,100 ♪And I'm blue ♪ 979 01:03:29,200 --> 01:03:32,500 - My team was on strategic recon. - Oh? 980 01:03:32,600 --> 01:03:35,300 You know, that's when you go behind enemy lines... 981 01:03:35,400 --> 01:03:37,900 and try to locate their assets like tanks, bunkers. 982 01:03:38,000 --> 01:03:40,900 We were on our way to a resupply drop and we were ambushed. 983 01:03:41,000 --> 01:03:43,100 - The other guys were killed. - Killed? 984 01:03:43,200 --> 01:03:45,500 ♪I need you by my side ♪ 985 01:03:45,600 --> 01:03:47,700 ♪ Can't you see that I'm lonely ♪ 986 01:03:47,800 --> 01:03:50,300 I took a bullet in the leg, and they brought me here. 987 01:03:50,400 --> 01:03:53,100 ♪ Uh-huh, I don't know any words to this song ♪ 988 01:03:53,200 --> 01:03:55,800 - ♪ Kiss me, baby ♪ - ♪ Kiss me, baby ♪ 989 01:03:55,800 --> 01:03:58,500 ♪Kiss me, baby,yeah Hold me, baby ♪ 990 01:03:58,600 --> 01:04:00,500 ♪Love me, baby ♪ 991 01:04:00,600 --> 01:04:04,200 Use this to dig around the base of the bars on the window. 992 01:04:04,300 --> 01:04:08,700 - I got one of them loose already. - Escape? What are you, crazy? 993 01:04:08,800 --> 01:04:11,500 - ♪ Ahh, oh-ho ♪ - ♪ Uh-huh ♪ 994 01:04:11,600 --> 01:04:14,700 Look. It's the duty of every P.O.W. to try to escape. 995 01:04:14,800 --> 01:04:18,000 We're in the middle of a desert. What good is it gonna do for us to escape? 996 01:04:18,100 --> 01:04:20,400 To complete the recon mission, soldier. 997 01:04:20,500 --> 01:04:23,800 The special operations cargo plane was instructed to make a supply drop... 998 01:04:23,900 --> 01:04:27,200 at a rendezvous point about 15 K north of here. 999 01:04:27,200 --> 01:04:29,800 If we can get off this base, I can get us to the rendezvous point. 1000 01:04:29,900 --> 01:04:32,400 You're insane. The Libyans are gonna launch chemical weapons. 1001 01:04:32,400 --> 01:04:37,300 - We're much safer here. - No. I'm a soldier, and I've got a job to do. 1002 01:04:37,400 --> 01:04:41,800 And so are you. Now get to work... Private. 1003 01:04:41,900 --> 01:04:43,900 ♪ Lonely ♪ 1004 01:04:44,000 --> 01:04:47,200 ♪ Yeah, rescue me Pretty baby ♪♪ 1005 01:04:58,300 --> 01:05:00,600 - Bones. - Ah-ah, ah-ha. 1006 01:05:02,500 --> 01:05:04,300 My heart. 1007 01:05:04,400 --> 01:05:08,100 You know what? You didn't scare me. I just felt like screaming. 1008 01:05:08,100 --> 01:05:12,000 Don't worry about it. Most men think I'm scary. 1009 01:05:13,900 --> 01:05:17,400 - You can't sleep, huh? - I'm too excited. 1010 01:05:17,500 --> 01:05:21,400 Excited? They might torture us tomorrow. They might even kill us. 1011 01:05:21,500 --> 01:05:24,500 I know. It's just like the night before Christmas. 1012 01:05:24,600 --> 01:05:27,100 Yeah, well at my house we got presents. 1013 01:05:27,200 --> 01:05:31,000 I'm talking about the anticipation. 1014 01:05:31,000 --> 01:05:34,800 We might die! We, we, we might escape. 1015 01:05:34,900 --> 01:05:38,600 We don't know what's gonna happen. That's the coolest thing in the world. 1016 01:05:38,600 --> 01:05:41,700 Most girls are into horses and stuff. 1017 01:05:41,800 --> 01:05:43,700 You're weird. 1018 01:05:44,700 --> 01:05:47,400 Most men say that too. 1019 01:05:48,100 --> 01:05:51,100 I like it. 1020 01:05:51,200 --> 01:05:53,700 You do? 1021 01:05:53,800 --> 01:05:56,800 Yeah. Horses are boring. 1022 01:06:03,200 --> 01:06:05,500 So... 1023 01:06:05,500 --> 01:06:09,100 if I do get us out of here, and I will... 1024 01:06:09,100 --> 01:06:13,600 is it true what you said about tying me up and all the wild sex stuff? 1025 01:06:13,700 --> 01:06:16,500 Only if you kiss me again. 1026 01:06:18,300 --> 01:06:20,300 Okay. 1027 01:06:22,200 --> 01:06:24,900 Okay, wait. Wait a minute. 1028 01:06:25,000 --> 01:06:27,400 I think I got it. Wait, look at it. 1029 01:06:27,500 --> 01:06:29,100 - You got it. - Look at it. 1030 01:06:29,200 --> 01:06:33,400 Oh! Oh! 1031 01:06:33,500 --> 01:06:36,500 Stern? 1032 01:06:36,600 --> 01:06:40,100 Stern, you gotta wake up. I can't turn the alarm off. 1033 01:06:40,200 --> 01:06:42,200 It's not an alarm. It's an air-raid siren. 1034 01:06:42,300 --> 01:06:45,300 Oh, thank God! 1035 01:06:45,400 --> 01:06:48,200 I thought I was having another panic attack. 1036 01:07:07,600 --> 01:07:10,100 It's okay, it's okay. 1037 01:07:27,900 --> 01:07:29,900 Yes. 1038 01:07:32,400 --> 01:07:35,900 Almost. Try it again. 1039 01:07:36,000 --> 01:07:38,000 Okay. Cross yo- 1040 01:07:42,600 --> 01:07:45,500 That was good. Just a little more to the left and you got 'em. 1041 01:07:45,600 --> 01:07:48,100 You guys just keep trying. 1042 01:07:48,100 --> 01:07:51,400 Do you guys realize what we are doing right now? 1043 01:07:51,400 --> 01:07:54,600 This is a scene from Pirates of the Caribbean. 1044 01:07:54,700 --> 01:07:58,600 All we need is that mangy dog, right? 1045 01:07:58,600 --> 01:08:01,000 Quiet. Just try it again. 1046 01:08:20,500 --> 01:08:22,500 Hey. 1047 01:08:30,700 --> 01:08:33,400 How much do you love me? 1048 01:08:42,700 --> 01:08:45,900 I'm sorry, I don't get it. What is it with us and trucks? 1049 01:08:46,000 --> 01:08:48,100 We get 'em, we break 'em, we smash 'em, we crash 'em. 1050 01:08:48,200 --> 01:08:51,400 - We run out of gas. I don't get it! - Yes, I understand that. 1051 01:08:51,500 --> 01:08:55,100 But we're not getting tortured by Babaga-douche right now, okay? 1052 01:08:55,200 --> 01:08:58,600 No, instead we're lost in the desert... again. 1053 01:08:58,700 --> 01:09:01,000 Without food and water... again. 1054 01:09:01,100 --> 01:09:05,400 Stuck with this Special Forces guy. He can't even walk 'cause he got his leg shot off. 1055 01:09:05,500 --> 01:09:08,900 - Fred, we're free! - Yeah, and we're gonna die free! 1056 01:09:09,000 --> 01:09:11,500 Or maybe not. 1057 01:09:17,400 --> 01:09:20,500 Fifty-five American dollars. 1058 01:09:20,600 --> 01:09:24,200 Then on top of it, see this truck? 1059 01:09:24,200 --> 01:09:28,100 Serious, bona fide Libyan Army fighting machine. 1060 01:09:28,100 --> 01:09:31,100 And it's all part of this amazing offer, my friend. 1061 01:09:31,200 --> 01:09:33,900 I mean, if you're lucky, it might even have a Kuwait track. 1062 01:09:34,000 --> 01:09:38,100 You can play stuff on it. 1063 01:09:38,200 --> 01:09:41,600 Huh? And you ask me, how could it be? Why such a deal? 1064 01:09:41,700 --> 01:09:46,500 Because we're Crazy Boys! We're givin' it away! 1065 01:09:51,800 --> 01:09:53,700 Hmm? 1066 01:09:53,800 --> 01:09:56,200 You like this watch? 1067 01:09:56,200 --> 01:09:58,800 - Is it interesting? - No, no, no, no, no. 1068 01:09:58,900 --> 01:10:01,000 - Not the watch. - He likes it. 1069 01:10:01,000 --> 01:10:03,800 Come on. It's got the faces of the moon and a compass. 1070 01:10:05,100 --> 01:10:07,800 - What? This has a compass? - Yeah. 1071 01:10:07,800 --> 01:10:11,100 Really? We've been stuck in the desert for three days... 1072 01:10:11,200 --> 01:10:13,800 - and you're telling me this watch has a compass. - Sorry. 1073 01:10:13,800 --> 01:10:18,300 Oh,Jack, you're gonna get some noogies later. I'm gonna pound you like this. 1074 01:10:18,400 --> 01:10:20,300 I forgot. 1075 01:10:20,400 --> 01:10:25,100 Well, you're gonna forget about your little watch here, because it's gone! 1076 01:10:25,200 --> 01:10:27,500 Uh-huh. Here you go, my friend. 1077 01:10:27,500 --> 01:10:29,600 Hey,you guys. In my life... 1078 01:10:29,700 --> 01:10:33,800 I've seen a lot of camels' toes... 1079 01:10:33,900 --> 01:10:36,300 but I've never seen one on a camel. 1080 01:10:36,400 --> 01:10:41,500 - I think he's got a crush on you, Bones. - Really? How can you tell? 1081 01:10:41,600 --> 01:10:45,300 - 'Cause he's been nibbling on your ears. - Yeah? 1082 01:10:45,400 --> 01:10:47,500 And licking on your neck. 1083 01:10:47,600 --> 01:10:49,800 It's okay. 1084 01:10:49,900 --> 01:10:52,400 You're just a camel. 1085 01:10:54,000 --> 01:10:57,000 Our supply drop's on the other side of that Libyan base. 1086 01:10:57,100 --> 01:10:59,000 What Libyan base? 1087 01:10:59,100 --> 01:11:01,000 Are you blind? 1088 01:11:01,100 --> 01:11:04,900 - It's a Libyan base covered with a camo tent. - What are you talking about? 1089 01:11:05,000 --> 01:11:08,800 - I guess we're gonna have to go around it. - Around what? 1090 01:11:08,800 --> 01:11:12,900 - See thatjeep right there? - I see thejeep, but I don't- 1091 01:11:13,000 --> 01:11:18,800 Oh! You mean that Libyan base, the one under the camo tent! 1092 01:11:18,900 --> 01:11:23,000 I thought you guys were talking about some other Libyan base. 1093 01:11:23,100 --> 01:11:25,300 Will there be medical supplies? 1094 01:11:25,400 --> 01:11:28,700 Medical supplies, uniforms, food, water, radio. Everything you need. 1095 01:11:28,700 --> 01:11:31,500 But where is it? It's supposed to be right here. 1096 01:11:33,700 --> 01:11:36,400 Hey, you guys! Come on! 1097 01:11:36,500 --> 01:11:39,600 Hey, come on, you guys! 1098 01:11:39,600 --> 01:11:42,400 What is it? Oh! 1099 01:11:42,500 --> 01:11:44,700 Whoo-hoo! 1100 01:11:44,700 --> 01:11:46,800 Whoo! 1101 01:12:01,200 --> 01:12:03,100 Hot Wheels! 1102 01:12:16,200 --> 01:12:20,800 Stern, these things are intense! No wonder people join the Army. 1103 01:12:20,800 --> 01:12:23,600 ♪ Be all that you can be ♪ 1104 01:12:23,700 --> 01:12:25,700 ♪ In the Army ♪ 1105 01:12:25,700 --> 01:12:27,500 What happened to him? 1106 01:12:27,600 --> 01:12:31,900 His leg looks pretty bad. I think it's infected 'cause he lost a lot of blood. 1107 01:12:32,000 --> 01:12:34,300 But look at his gums! They're fabulous, man. 1108 01:12:34,400 --> 01:12:37,000 Not a touch of gingivitis. He's been flossing. 1109 01:12:37,100 --> 01:12:40,200 - Yeah, but why is he acting so wasted? - That's the morphine. 1110 01:12:40,300 --> 01:12:42,900 Absolutely! The "morphine," the better. 1111 01:12:44,700 --> 01:12:47,900 Hello.! Somebody answer us, please.! 1112 01:12:48,000 --> 01:12:50,900 You gotta believe us. We're stuck out here in the middle- 1113 01:12:51,000 --> 01:12:53,300 Get ahold of yourself, soldier. 1114 01:12:53,400 --> 01:12:55,600 Thank God it's you! 1115 01:12:55,600 --> 01:12:58,000 - Listen- - Don't say my name. 1116 01:12:58,100 --> 01:13:00,900 What did I say to you when you first arrived in Chad? 1117 01:13:01,000 --> 01:13:04,400 Uh, something about your clock being broken. 1118 01:13:04,500 --> 01:13:06,100 Close enough. 1119 01:13:06,200 --> 01:13:09,100 Okay, calm down, son, we're gonna get you outta there. 1120 01:13:09,200 --> 01:13:13,400 Listen carefully. Your call sign is now Glendale. 1121 01:13:13,500 --> 01:13:16,600 Our call sign is now Burbank. 1122 01:13:16,700 --> 01:13:18,800 Did you recover the fast-attack vehicles, Glendale? 1123 01:13:18,900 --> 01:13:22,500 Oh, you mean those dune buggies! Yeah, those things are intense. 1124 01:13:22,600 --> 01:13:24,800 Good. This equipment was intended... 1125 01:13:24,800 --> 01:13:28,000 for the Special Forces team to carry out a vital mission. 1126 01:13:28,000 --> 01:13:31,100 You are our only assets on the ground... 1127 01:13:31,200 --> 01:13:33,900 with the right equipment in the right place. 1128 01:13:34,000 --> 01:13:37,400 - Say what? - You have to take over, Glendale. 1129 01:13:37,500 --> 01:13:39,600 Listen. Let me explain something. 1130 01:13:39,700 --> 01:13:42,400 First of all, Sergeant, we're water boys. 1131 01:13:42,400 --> 01:13:46,300 - Okay, please- - You're soldiers first, Glendale! 1132 01:13:46,400 --> 01:13:48,500 Now, listen up. 1133 01:13:48,600 --> 01:13:52,400 The Libyans have a mobile scud launching base right in your area. 1134 01:13:52,400 --> 01:13:57,200 These scuds are loaded with chemical weapons and targeted at U.S. bases. 1135 01:13:57,300 --> 01:14:00,400 Our aerial photographs haven't been able to find them. 1136 01:14:00,500 --> 01:14:02,700 You want us to find 'em? What about Stern? 1137 01:14:02,800 --> 01:14:05,200 Stern can find 'em. He'll be up pretty soon. Stern? 1138 01:14:05,300 --> 01:14:08,800 Daddy, why can't I go to ballet class? 1139 01:14:08,900 --> 01:14:10,900 Teacher says I'm a natural. 1140 01:14:11,000 --> 01:14:12,900 These scuds... 1141 01:14:12,900 --> 01:14:16,400 can't be spotted from the air because of heavy camouflage. 1142 01:14:16,500 --> 01:14:20,800 Camouflage? Why didn't you say so in the first place? 1143 01:14:20,800 --> 01:14:23,100 Listen, we saw the thing this morning. 1144 01:14:23,200 --> 01:14:25,600 Stern wrote down the coordinates. Right, Stern? 1145 01:14:25,700 --> 01:14:29,400 We'll tell you where it is. You guys can come here and bomb the hell outta it! 1146 01:14:29,400 --> 01:14:33,200 - Come on. Send the Air Force. - It's not enough to tell us. 1147 01:14:33,300 --> 01:14:35,900 You have to go back there and paint it. 1148 01:14:36,000 --> 01:14:40,000 Paint it? Trust me. It looks perfectly fine the way it is. 1149 01:14:40,000 --> 01:14:42,200 I mean paint it with the laser. 1150 01:14:42,300 --> 01:14:45,700 The laser target designator. It's in your equipment. 1151 01:14:45,700 --> 01:14:48,500 All you have to do is return to that base... 1152 01:14:48,600 --> 01:14:51,900 point the laser at it, and call me back on the radio. 1153 01:14:52,000 --> 01:14:54,300 The Air Force will do the rest. 1154 01:14:54,300 --> 01:14:57,300 You can be a mile away in perfect safety. 1155 01:14:57,400 --> 01:14:59,900 All right. Wait a minute. 1156 01:15:00,000 --> 01:15:02,600 - Chris? Get over here. - What? 1157 01:15:02,700 --> 01:15:05,900 They can't make us do anything. We don't know how to use this stuff. 1158 01:15:05,900 --> 01:15:09,500 Fred,you use lasers in dentistry, right? 1159 01:15:09,500 --> 01:15:12,700 I know what's goin' on! You're gonna try to make the brother hold the laser, right? 1160 01:15:12,800 --> 01:15:15,100 No. My laser was a little, itty-bitty laser. 1161 01:15:15,200 --> 01:15:17,300 This is a big laser. There's a difference. 1162 01:15:17,400 --> 01:15:20,300 - Glendale? Glendale.! - No. 1163 01:15:20,400 --> 01:15:22,300 Can't they just evacuate the bases? 1164 01:15:22,400 --> 01:15:26,400 Or we can take an hour out of our busy lives, hop in these cool dune buggies... 1165 01:15:26,500 --> 01:15:29,900 pop the base with the laser, and let the Air Force blow the hell out of it! 1166 01:15:30,000 --> 01:15:33,900 - You listen to me, Glendale! - Please hold yourself there one second. 1167 01:15:34,000 --> 01:15:36,500 I'm just trying to have a moment with my friends. Is that okay? 1168 01:15:36,600 --> 01:15:38,900 Have a cup of java. Please chill. 1169 01:15:41,000 --> 01:15:44,000 Fred, when you first got here... 1170 01:15:44,100 --> 01:15:46,700 - you were completely freaked, right? - Yeah. 1171 01:15:46,800 --> 01:15:49,800 Now look at you. Huh? You're a regular G.I.Joe. 1172 01:15:49,800 --> 01:15:52,300 A fightin' man from head to toe! 1173 01:15:52,300 --> 01:15:55,400 And, Chris, you wanted infantry. 1174 01:15:55,500 --> 01:15:58,900 Well, now's your chance. Let's see what you've got. 1175 01:16:00,800 --> 01:16:05,100 And,Jack, my friend, you were a complete screwup. 1176 01:16:05,200 --> 01:16:08,000 But now look at you. You're still a screwup. 1177 01:16:08,000 --> 01:16:10,500 But if you did this and you survived... 1178 01:16:10,500 --> 01:16:13,000 you'd have stuff to tell your little screw-up grandkids. 1179 01:16:13,100 --> 01:16:15,000 Basically, you guys, up to a few months ago... 1180 01:16:15,100 --> 01:16:18,300 we were all a bunch of minimum wage losers from Glendale. 1181 01:16:18,400 --> 01:16:21,000 But this whole event has changed our lives! 1182 01:16:21,000 --> 01:16:24,500 You know who we owe it to? ♪ The Army ♪♪ 1183 01:16:24,600 --> 01:16:27,600 This is something we gotta do! Come on! Get on with it! 1184 01:16:27,600 --> 01:16:31,700 - Chris, I know you're with me. - Yeah, boy. 1185 01:16:31,800 --> 01:16:35,100 Fred, listen, if you can't handle it, I understand, man. 1186 01:16:35,200 --> 01:16:36,700 I can handle it. 1187 01:16:36,800 --> 01:16:39,300 Jack, what do you say, man? 1188 01:16:39,400 --> 01:16:42,900 Oh, I say, I say you're crazy. 1189 01:16:43,000 --> 01:16:45,300 I think you're all nuts.! 1190 01:16:45,400 --> 01:16:47,700 But you're the private first class. I'm the private. 1191 01:16:47,800 --> 01:16:51,300 And I'm gonna follow you, my friend, wherever. 1192 01:16:51,400 --> 01:16:54,800 All right, you guys, let's do this thing. Kick it, man! 1193 01:16:54,900 --> 01:16:57,500 Stern, you ready? 1194 01:16:57,600 --> 01:17:00,900 - Let's go, Bones.! - I know, I know. 1195 01:17:01,000 --> 01:17:05,300 There's just a little bit of business I have to take care of. 1196 01:17:07,500 --> 01:17:10,000 You're gonna have to go now. 1197 01:17:10,100 --> 01:17:15,500 You're gonna have to go be all the camel that you can be. 1198 01:17:18,100 --> 01:17:20,000 Bye. 1199 01:17:23,300 --> 01:17:27,000 All right, troops! 1200 01:17:27,100 --> 01:17:29,900 Let's go bust some scuds! 1201 01:17:35,700 --> 01:17:38,300 ♪Hit the street runnin'♪ 1202 01:17:38,400 --> 01:17:40,400 ♪ Got a plan on your mind ♪ 1203 01:17:42,000 --> 01:17:44,900 ♪Lookin'for a shelter ♪ 1204 01:17:45,000 --> 01:17:48,300 ♪Doin'double overtime ♪ 1205 01:17:48,400 --> 01:17:51,100 ♪Feel a little crazy ♪ 1206 01:17:51,100 --> 01:17:54,000 ♪But I won't be denied ♪ 1207 01:17:54,100 --> 01:17:58,800 ♪ Gotta find the time to take her inside outside ♪ 1208 01:18:01,000 --> 01:18:06,300 ♪ Tumblin' in a world of swirl ♪ 1209 01:18:06,400 --> 01:18:11,800 ♪Rumblin' in a world of swirl ♪ 1210 01:18:12,000 --> 01:18:15,500 ♪In a world of swirl ♪♪ 1211 01:18:20,800 --> 01:18:24,300 All right. Glendale to Burbank. Come in. 1212 01:18:24,300 --> 01:18:27,500 - I wish we had cooler code names. - What was that, Glendale? 1213 01:18:27,600 --> 01:18:30,700 Nothing. I was just saying that these code names suck. 1214 01:18:30,800 --> 01:18:32,800 Can I call you General Sweet Pants? 1215 01:18:32,900 --> 01:18:36,200 You better remember who you're talking to, Glendale. Are you in position? 1216 01:18:36,300 --> 01:18:39,400 Guy's got no sense of humor. Yeah, we can see the target. 1217 01:18:39,500 --> 01:18:42,100 Have you painted it with the laser? 1218 01:18:44,300 --> 01:18:46,300 Just did. 1219 01:18:46,300 --> 01:18:50,000 Good goin', Glendale. The air strike is inbound. 1220 01:18:50,100 --> 01:18:52,800 You should acquire the target in seven minutes. 1221 01:18:52,900 --> 01:18:58,300 It is vital that you do not take the laser off the target until the target is destroyed. 1222 01:18:58,400 --> 01:19:00,200 Can you hold it there for seven minutes? 1223 01:19:00,300 --> 01:19:04,200 I got it propped up here on the rock! I can hold it all day. I'm good to go! 1224 01:19:04,200 --> 01:19:06,500 No problem, Burbank. 1225 01:19:06,600 --> 01:19:08,900 Good! Lay low. 1226 01:19:09,000 --> 01:19:11,100 And report any change in situation. 1227 01:19:11,200 --> 01:19:14,700 We'll be standing by. Out. 1228 01:19:29,700 --> 01:19:33,500 Come on! 1229 01:19:37,400 --> 01:19:40,600 Tell me again about the store. 1230 01:19:40,600 --> 01:19:44,200 Ah, the store. It's gonna be great! 1231 01:19:44,300 --> 01:19:47,800 We're gonna have our own room where people can get their feet massaged- 1232 01:20:08,100 --> 01:20:09,700 Burbank.! 1233 01:20:09,800 --> 01:20:11,900 Burbank, we're under attack. 1234 01:20:12,000 --> 01:20:15,500 Hold your position, Glendale. And keep that laser on the target. 1235 01:20:15,600 --> 01:20:19,100 On the target? We are the target.! 1236 01:20:20,400 --> 01:20:22,100 Tell 'em to hurry up! 1237 01:20:22,200 --> 01:20:26,000 You better hurry. We've got 60 pissed-off Libyans headin' towards us. 1238 01:20:26,100 --> 01:20:27,700 Stay with it! 1239 01:20:31,600 --> 01:20:35,600 - Let's get these guys,Jack. Okay. - Come on. 1240 01:20:35,700 --> 01:20:37,800 - We know how to do it. - All right. 1241 01:20:37,800 --> 01:20:41,500 This is for the Glendale water boys! 1242 01:20:50,300 --> 01:20:52,500 - Not bad, huh? - Whoo! 1243 01:21:14,000 --> 01:21:15,800 Reload. 1244 01:21:24,100 --> 01:21:25,800 Turn it! 1245 01:21:50,500 --> 01:21:54,000 Shit! 1246 01:21:54,100 --> 01:21:57,100 - They missed. - At least they didn't blow up my head. 1247 01:21:58,900 --> 01:22:02,300 - Great going, soldiers. We knew you could do it. - Oh, Burbank? 1248 01:22:02,400 --> 01:22:06,100 I'm gonna find you the biggest bottle of champagne in Chad! 1249 01:22:06,200 --> 01:22:09,000 Don't pop the cork yet. The bombs missed. 1250 01:22:09,100 --> 01:22:13,000 The base wasn't hit. You better send another air strike and fast.! 1251 01:22:13,100 --> 01:22:14,900 Wait one. 1252 01:22:21,500 --> 01:22:23,500 Glendale? 1253 01:22:23,600 --> 01:22:27,400 The back-up strike of F-111 s is being diverted to your target. 1254 01:22:27,500 --> 01:22:31,200 - E. T.A. three minutes. - Three minutes? What, are you crazy? 1255 01:22:31,300 --> 01:22:34,800 We don't have three minutes. In three minutes we're gonna be shish kebabs! 1256 01:22:34,900 --> 01:22:37,200 We're under serious attack! 1257 01:22:37,300 --> 01:22:39,700 You'll have to hold them. 1258 01:22:51,600 --> 01:22:54,900 - Oh, shit! - Oh, my god. 1259 01:22:54,900 --> 01:22:58,500 You better get the planes here sooner. The scuds are ready to fire. 1260 01:22:58,500 --> 01:23:02,000 Two minutes and 30 seconds. 1261 01:23:03,600 --> 01:23:07,000 Hey. Hey! Where's he goin'? 1262 01:23:13,400 --> 01:23:16,900 Hey! Hey! 1263 01:23:20,200 --> 01:23:23,900 All right, my man! 1264 01:23:24,000 --> 01:23:27,200 You stay right here. I gotta go. 1265 01:23:37,700 --> 01:23:40,200 Hey, guys move over! 1266 01:23:42,600 --> 01:23:45,100 "Cock firing mechanism. " 1267 01:23:45,300 --> 01:23:49,200 - Report the situation. - Shut up. 1268 01:24:01,600 --> 01:24:05,000 "Aim, set range if known or estimate"? 1269 01:24:05,100 --> 01:24:07,500 - Who came up with these directions? - I don't know. 1270 01:24:07,500 --> 01:24:11,700 Tell me to shut up one more time and I'm gonna rip your spine out and use it for a putting iron! 1271 01:24:11,800 --> 01:24:15,900 Shut up. I'm not good with directions. 1272 01:24:16,000 --> 01:24:19,200 "Push safety and hold down. " 1273 01:24:19,300 --> 01:24:21,400 Okay, everybody back! 1274 01:24:21,500 --> 01:24:23,900 "Fire by pushing trigger. " 1275 01:24:28,900 --> 01:24:31,600 Suck on this a- one time! 1276 01:24:36,500 --> 01:24:39,700 Oh. Sorry. 1277 01:24:44,400 --> 01:24:47,700 Last chance, my friend. 1278 01:25:12,200 --> 01:25:14,300 - Yeah! - Yeah! 1279 01:25:14,400 --> 01:25:15,600 Whoo! 1280 01:25:20,600 --> 01:25:23,600 Oh, man! 1281 01:25:25,400 --> 01:25:27,500 At my signal, everybody scream like crazy. 1282 01:25:27,600 --> 01:25:31,300 Make 'em think we've got 50 guys up here, okay? 1283 01:25:31,400 --> 01:25:33,500 One and go! 1284 01:25:47,900 --> 01:25:50,100 We scared 'em! 1285 01:25:57,800 --> 01:26:01,500 Yeah, don't mess with the Glendale Reservists! 1286 01:26:01,600 --> 01:26:04,300 Behind you.! 1287 01:26:04,300 --> 01:26:07,100 Two weeks a year, one weekend a month. 1288 01:26:07,200 --> 01:26:11,100 We're the few! We're the proud! 1289 01:26:11,200 --> 01:26:15,100 We're the water boys! 1290 01:26:15,100 --> 01:26:17,700 - Bones, duck.! - Get down.! 1291 01:27:08,100 --> 01:27:11,400 - Yeah, hey. All right, Stern. - Thanks. 1292 01:27:11,400 --> 01:27:13,700 Not bad for a bunch of water boys, huh? 1293 01:27:13,800 --> 01:27:17,900 No! Soldiers! I'm proud of you guys. 1294 01:27:17,900 --> 01:27:21,300 Glendale.! 1295 01:27:26,700 --> 01:27:30,100 You oughta be... damn pleased with yourselves! 1296 01:27:30,200 --> 01:27:33,000 Congratulations. You did an outstanding job. 1297 01:27:33,100 --> 01:27:36,600 It wasn't a job, First Sergeant. It was an adventure. 1298 01:27:56,600 --> 01:27:59,200 Hey! Hey! 1299 01:28:08,700 --> 01:28:12,100 - You're gonna have to go get a blood test, Bones. - What? 1300 01:28:12,200 --> 01:28:15,200 ♪Bang, and here we go ♪ 1301 01:28:15,200 --> 01:28:18,000 ♪ Watch the road Don't drive so slow ♪ 1302 01:28:18,000 --> 01:28:20,800 ♪It takes so long And it's so hard ♪ 1303 01:28:20,900 --> 01:28:24,600 ♪ There's a billion bones in my backyard ♪ 1304 01:28:24,600 --> 01:28:29,500 ♪I get excited I get so impatient ♪ 1305 01:28:29,600 --> 01:28:32,200 ♪It takes too long to get back home ♪ 1306 01:28:32,300 --> 01:28:37,500 ♪But you and I, do or die And we've onlyjust begun ♪ 1307 01:28:37,600 --> 01:28:42,000 ♪And I feel like havin'fun ♪ 1308 01:28:42,100 --> 01:28:44,900 Have a good day. If you need anything come see us. 1309 01:28:45,000 --> 01:28:48,000 - Look at that hair! - Oh, hey! 1310 01:28:48,000 --> 01:28:51,500 - How you doin'? - Real well. Jack and Bones, huh? 1311 01:28:51,600 --> 01:28:54,200 You fellas gonna be all you can be? 1312 01:28:54,200 --> 01:28:57,200 It's a win-win situation? 1313 01:29:05,500 --> 01:29:07,900 - Ah, this is crazy, man! - No, it's brilliant! 1314 01:29:07,900 --> 01:29:11,400 It's just two weeks a year, man. One weekend a month. 1315 01:29:11,500 --> 01:29:13,800 - That can't be right. - I swear! 1316 01:29:13,900 --> 01:29:16,200 Trust me. 1317 01:29:23,300 --> 01:29:25,700 ♪It costs too much ♪ 1318 01:29:25,700 --> 01:29:28,900 ♪And I talk too much ♪ 1319 01:29:29,000 --> 01:29:31,600 ♪It takes so long ♪ 1320 01:29:31,700 --> 01:29:35,000 ♪And it goes so fast ♪ 1321 01:29:35,100 --> 01:29:39,700 ♪I can't think too straight ♪ 1322 01:29:42,000 --> 01:29:44,900 ♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪ 1323 01:29:45,000 --> 01:29:47,800 ♪And we've only just begun ♪ 1324 01:29:47,800 --> 01:29:50,600 ♪And I feel like havin'fun ♪ 1325 01:29:50,700 --> 01:29:53,400 ♪And I swear I'll be all right ♪ 1326 01:29:53,500 --> 01:29:56,400 ♪ Until the next one ♪ 1327 01:29:56,400 --> 01:29:59,400 ♪And we've only just begun ♪ 1328 01:29:59,400 --> 01:30:02,300 ♪And I feel like havin'fun ♪ 1329 01:30:02,400 --> 01:30:05,100 ♪But I swear I'll be all right ♪ 1330 01:30:05,100 --> 01:30:08,100 ♪ Until the next one ♪ 1331 01:30:08,200 --> 01:30:11,100 ♪And I start offi feeling swell ♪ 1332 01:30:11,100 --> 01:30:14,000 ♪Pretty soon I'll turn to well ♪ 1333 01:30:14,100 --> 01:30:16,800 ♪But I swear I'll be all right ♪ 1334 01:30:16,900 --> 01:30:19,900 ♪ Until the next one ♪ 1335 01:30:20,000 --> 01:30:22,700 ♪And I start offi doing fine ♪ 1336 01:30:22,800 --> 01:30:25,600 ♪Pretty soon I'll keep in time ♪ 1337 01:30:25,700 --> 01:30:28,300 ♪But I swear I'll be all right ♪ 1338 01:30:28,400 --> 01:30:31,400 ♪ Until the next time ♪ 1339 01:30:31,500 --> 01:30:34,300 ♪And I start offi doing fine ♪ 1340 01:30:34,400 --> 01:30:37,300 ♪Pretty soon I'll keep in time ♪ 1341 01:30:37,400 --> 01:30:39,900 ♪But I swear I'll be all right ♪ 1342 01:30:40,000 --> 01:30:48,700 ♪ Until the next time ♪ 1343 01:30:48,700 --> 01:30:53,300 ♪ Until the next time Until the next time ♪♪ 1344 01:30:53,500 --> 01:30:57,900 - What shall we do? - Water purification sounds good to me, man.